I’ve written about cell phones I think once in a column and me and others have written about them here also. I continue to find them a source of annoyance.

I do some consulting work at Elgin Office Equipment downtown. A girl walked into the store talking on her cell phone one afternoon.

A salesman smiled and approached her. She smiled back, waved him off and continued to talk on her phone.

She walked all through the store apparently “just looking.” She never said a word to us, just continued on with her phone. After a couple minutes, she walked out the door. No hi or bye, just in and out. Rude ya think?

A few weeks ago, I was standing in line at CVS in Clifton, wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. The guy ahead of me had a few items to purchase. As he put his stuff on the counter, he was talking on his cell phone.

He never missed a beat, didn’t talk to the woman ringing him up, never looked at her – just handed her the money and walked out of the store – talking on this fucking cell phone. Again, rude.

I had one for awhile, but soon gave it up. I just don’t need to be in constant communication with anyone.

Educate me. What’s so great about a cell phone? Does it give you an excuse to not talk to people you meet? Is talking on a cell phone constantly a reason not to be polite to other people?

Larry Gross

(Photo of very attractive girl talking on her fucking cell phone from photo.net)

Why do your friends call you a jerk?

Tom Anus

(Photo hand delivered to the LOL Blog by Steve Martin. Ha, ha, ha. No seriously, we found it on google)

I like to think the Living Out Loud Blog is the most interesting one here locally, but of course that’s what you call fooling yourself. Last weekend, I looked at our blogroll and went to some other local blogs that had some pretty good stuff up.

(Hey folks, as you read on down here, anything that is typed in bold goes to a link. I don’t want to say “click here” all the time – got it?)

• Jackie Danicki writes about going to an AA meeting. I gotta tell you, I think her blog is pretty cool.

• The Dean of Cincinnati had coffee last week with Mayor Mallory. Was the mayor’s bodyguard there? Was The Dean wearing his cape?

• Heather Annastasia Siladi lives in California now but she lived here for a while and she’s a friend so I’m gonna include her here. In this post she says “Everything that is living will one day die.” How nice. That sounds like someone living in Cincinnati to me.

• C.A. MacConnell paid a visit to the Statehouse. To find out why, click here (sorry, just couldn’t help myself).

• Brian Griffin over at the Cincinnati Blog thinks Smitherman is a Loon. I think Brian likes to pick his “Loon of the Week.” I’ve been it many times.

Larry Gross

(Graphic or artwork or whatever you want to call it is from the amazing and wonderful world of the google)

Alan Weiss, Operations Manager of Elgin Office Equipment located at 810 Main Street downtown, has announced that the company’s Elgin Retro Furniture Store, located on the corner of 8th & Main (800 Main Street) will display artwork provided by Visionaries & Voices, a non-profit organization created specifically for artists with disabilities.

“We’re excited to be teaming up with this organization we believe strongly in,” states Weiss. “We’re proud to be exposing more of this amazing art to the community.”

The art exhibit will be held April 2 through May 31 with a “Meet the Artists” program Friday, April 20 from noon to 3:00 p.m.

Visionaries & Voices studio/gallery is located at 2515 Essex Place, #172 in Walnut Hills. Founded in 1999 by two social workers in the Greater Cincinnati area who came across artists with developmental disabilities producing incredible works of art, the social workers found venues to showcase these works of art in local galleries, coffee shops and other locations. The first major exhibit occurred in 2001 at Base Gallery in downtown Cincinnati. After this success, the idea of a studio began to gain momentum. After a lot of fundraising and more exhibits, Visionaries & Voices was incorporated as a non-profit in 2003.

The studio opened its doors in August 2003 supporting 12 artists. Today the organization supports over 300 local and regional artists with disabilities to make, market and celebrate their works. Visionaries & Voices also sponsors a yearly “outsider art fair” in downtown Cincinnati called “Visionnati,” inviting artists from across America to come and sell their works and to celebrate the idea that art is one of the best ways to join
forces for social and cultural change.

To visit Visionaries & Voices web site, click here.

For more information on Elgin’s Retro Furniture Store, click here.

Larry Gross

(Logo and photo from Visionaries & Voices web site)

I knew it would just be a matter of time.

She left me because she thought I was a pig. I think she realizes now she was totally wrong.

I mean, I think I’m a good husband. As I’ve said before, I always turn my paycheck over to her, will take out the trash if necessary and so on and so on. I’m a good guy, folks.

Before we could get around to having sex (and I was more than a little backed up), she had some catching up to do.

Washing those dishes was a must. I was getting tired of eating off paper plates. The house hadn’t been cleaned since she left. Get to it woman!

After she got done with the laundry, I ripped her clothes off and had that long overdue release – then I left, had to meet up with the guys at the corner bar.

It’s good to have the little woman back.

Paul

(Photo of Paul found on the wonderful world of the google)

Downtown retailer Mahatma, previously located in the Carew Tower, will officially reopen in its new location on Main Street on April 20.

Vice Mayor Jim Tarbell and Downtown Cincinnati Inc. President David Ginsburg will preside over a ribbon cutting ceremony from 2 to 3:30 p.m., officially reopening the eclectic jewelry store. Then, the store will celebrate a grand reopening party on April 21 from 4 to 9 p.m., in conjunction with the DownTown HopAround. The parties will feature free refreshments and 10-20% discounts on jewelry.

At the new Mahatma, visitors will experience a larger store with more selections of artisan-crafted, ethnic jewelry from cultures around the world, including an array of handmade sterling and semi-precious stone rings, bracelets, earrings and necklaces.

“We will feature world-class jewelry from throughout the world,” said Crow Grando, proprietor of Mahatma. “Customer will find pieces from Tibet, India, Nepal, Indonesia, central Asia, Russia and more, all with the incomparable quality for which we’re known. “

In the new store, Mahatma also will expand its selection of fine quality incense, candles, flowering, loose tea and other specialty gift items. In addition, it will carry traditional folk art and artifacts including masks, textiles and devotional items from various cultures, as well as larger items that they could not display well in their original space, such as a Japanese wedding kimono.

“Previously, we had to decline opportunities to import beautiful prayer rugs or larger deity statues when we found them,” Grando explained. “Now, with our spacious store front, we can offer and display a greater range of merchandise, and customers will finally see the true extent of our inventory.”

Mahatma’s new location is 639 Main Street, between Hathaway’s and the Fifth Third Bank Theater of the Aronoff Center, on the corner of Main and Seventh Streets.

“To provide more convenience for our customers, we plan to offer extended hours before and after Aronoff performances in the future,” Grando said.

Initial store hours will be Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Mahatma is closed on Sundays.

“We’re excited to join a wonderful enclave of artistic and specialty businesses on Main Street,” Grando said. “Our customers have always shopped Mahatma for the experience as well as the product, and with our larger space, and prime location among other eclectic businesses, we will enhance that experience.”

Teri Archer

(Photo from www.neelman.arts.com)

Prescription drugs.

Rush Limbaugh

(Photo of Rush Limbaugh taken after eating his prescription drugs from www.synthstuff.com)

Last week on the Porkopolis Blog, Kevin Osborne wrote an interesting piece on the Don Imus firing and wondered if the public outrage over this type of thing is even-handed (click here to read his story).

In his post, Osborne talks about rappers who routinely say offensive words about women – much worse than “nappy-headed hos.” But really – isn’t this whole thing about freedom of speech? Can’t the rappers and Imus say what they want?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a fan of Imus. I find him more than a little creepy. Know who else I find creepy? Ann Coulter. Rush Limbaugh. Michelle Malkin. Bill O’Reilly. Howard Stern.

Those five people listed above have certainly said outrageous things insulting to many people – just like Imus has. How come these people haven’t had their radio shows or newspaper columns canned? Why are they still around while Imus gets the boot?

Larry Gross

(Photo from www.nnbd.com)

Remember last week? 82 freakin’ degrees and my radar was on like Donkey Kong. They were pointing me in the eye everywhere and I could hear them singing in the warm wind. That’s right, nipples, freed from their wintery confines made a maddeningly brief appearance and then were chased back undercover by the cruel whims of that bitch goddess, Mother Nature. Nothing like a wintry Easter to fuck with your mood and my libido, right?

The bartender nodded glumly and I got an amen from the choir.

“I hear ya, man, it doesn’t do much for anybody,” a small spectacled woman at the bar to my left agreed. Her two sizes too big coat confirmed her testimony. “Just when I was ready for it, given a taste, it gets taken away from me.”

“True that, sister,” I said as I paid my tab and headed out the door. A chill wind slapped my upside the head. I started the sort of trip home that I hate (alone) when I heard the one woman choir call from behind.

“Hey, would you mind walking me back to my car? I don’t know about this neighborhood at night.”

“Sure,” I said. Her little reddish blonde hair bopped along beside me until we reached a beat up old cruiser van straight out of the ’70s.

“It’s not much but it gets me where I want to go,” she said. ” Hop in, I’ll give ya ride. You live around here?”

Wait a minute, I thought to my self, otherwise speechless as I climbed aboard.

And so off went the glasses, down came the hair and there went the coat. And there they were – two of the finest rayon wrapped nips I’ve ever seen and they were headed my way.

“God, I’m cold. Help me get warm, will ya? And what’s your name anyway?”

Looks like my radar needs a tune-up. Hand me that tube of lube, will ya?

Holden McGroyne

(Holden found the time to take the photo above after his “ride”)

I don’t exactly consider myself old (yet), but a lot of people that I hang out with are younger than me and so many born and raised here don’t have any idea of our rich television history.

Back in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, local television was abundant. We had “The Paul Dixon Show,” “Midwestern Hayride,” “The Nick Clooney Show,” “Uncle Al,” “Larry Smith & his Puppets,” “Scream-in with the Cool Ghoul,” and on and on.

But there was one woman who was probably bigger than anybody – even Paul Dixon. Her name was Ruth Lyons and she hosted the “Fifty-Fifty Club” here for years.

Below is a chip from channel 5 which aired the evening after she died. This will give a lot of you an education on this local television legend.

The main anchor on this newscast is a guy I think you’ll recognize.

Larry Gross

(Photo of Ruth Lyons from WLWT Television)