11. You’re sleeping on a strangely damp, lumpy futon. Definitely blue.
10. There’s some curly-headed dude sleeping next to you. His baseball cap’s still on, sideways.
9. When you go to the bathroom, in the shower there’s no soap. Shampoo: Mega Size Pert Plus Shampoo & Conditioner in One.
8. When you go to the sink, there’s an ancient, furry, wide head toothbrush and no paste. But there’s a full bottle of mouthwash and a shot glass.
7. When you go to the fridge, there’s expired OJ, one moldy pizza slice and one Beast Light.
6. The sleeping dude’s wearing your socks.
5. On the floor, there’s a barrel for giant hard pretzels, containing many things, but not pretzels.
4. It is freezing, and there are no blankets, but you’re wearing a thick Kentucky sweatshirt, which makes it better, but the last time you checked, you weren’t in Kentucky.
3. Some short, buxom chick with old makeup on kicks the door in and starts punching the sleeping guy.
2. On the wall, there are these posters: one of Pamela Anderson, one of the beers of the world, one of The Beatles and/or Jim Morrison, one of an omelet in a frying pan, reading, “This is your brain,” and one of Belushi wearing that “college” sweatshirt.
And the number one sign you woke up at a frat house:
1. The sleeping dude, now wide awake, says he’s cold. He accidentally brushes up against you as he puts on his Belushi “College” sweatshirt.