CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{December 6, 2006}   Multiple Choice – Take Three


Cincinnati is best known for it’s
A. Chili.
B. Thriving downtown business district.
C. Chili.
D. Honest policemen.
E. A and C.


Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will
A. Make me cry excessively.
B. Cause me to pull a knife on you.
C. Never hurt me.
D. All of the above.


Cin Weekly is best known for
A. It’s hard hitting cover stories.
B. Excellent movie reviews.
C. Brilliant, creative writing.
D. Its ability to put readers to sleep.


She had nine buttons on her nightgown, but could
A. Sleep naked if she wanted to.
B. Dance barefoot in the shower while wearing it.
C. Only fasten eight.


The restaurant Redfish closed its doors in downtown Cincinnati because
A. It couldn’t compete with Skyline Chili.
B. They ran out of fish.
C. Business was poor.
D. They wanted to give downtown another empty building.


If you don’t stop it, you’ll go
A. Italian.
B. Bald.
C. Senile.
D. Blind.


If I sleep with you tonight, will you
A. Pay me the 20 bucks you owe me?
B. Get me on “Dancing with the Stars?”
C. Let me masturbate later?
D. Respect me in the morning?
E. All of the above.


After the sun goes down in Cincinnati, the city
A. Rolls up its sidewalks.
B. Becomes Detroit.
C. Experiences high crime rates.
D. I’m just going to ignore this question and pretend like everything is fine.


Jack of all trades, master of
A. One.
B. My own domain.
C. None.
D. Who’s Jack?


When the “no smoking” rule starts to be enforced in Cincinnati bars, people will
A. Not have a problem with it, because most know that smoking is bad for you.
B. Do their nasty habit outside.
C. Go to the bathroom to smoke.
D. Just say fuck it and head on over to Kentucky.

Larry Gross


Polly says:

A bit negative about Cincinnati, don’t you think? But I get your point. It’s pretty funny.

Matt says:

I’m sure Cincinnati is known for something else outside of the chili. I can’t think of anything else but I’m sure there is.

Karen@the hood says:

Toooooooooooo funny!!

Kevin says:

With our great live theater, fountain square, sports teams and rich history, I think our city is known for other things besides the chili. Your constant hammering of Cincinnati is getting old.

Jim Stanton says:

I think sometimes the truth hurts when it comes to Cincinnati, especially downtown. I realize this isn’t a serious post today, but Larry – even when he’s funny – can’t help but point out some of the problems. Don’t you think somebody needs to? Being a cheerleader is all right, but you need the other side too. That’s where Mr. Gross comes in.

Susan says:

Making a joke that the only thing Cincinnati is known for is the chili is really low class and not funny.

Man of the Hour says:

D. Just say fuck it and head on over to Kentucky

Yep, come Thursday I’ll be doing my drinking in good old Newport, KY. Cincinnati becomes more of a joke with every passing day.

Jean says:

I’ll be writing a letter to the editor of City Beat very soon. I’m sick and tired of Larry Gross trashing this city even in a so called humor piece. What’s the point of all this? Again, if you don’t like where you live, MOVE. I have no idea why some people find this so damn entertaining. I for one do not and it needs to stop.

Phil says:

Hey Jean,
Try living down here. You’ll get a feel for the city then. Somebody needs to point out the bad stuff going on down here and not bury their head in the sand. People like you is one of the problems we got down here.

Jackie says:

Larry has an opinion on Cincinnati that I agree with. Jean, you get to say all your negative things here almost daily, yet you’re going to send a letter to the editor at CityBeat about Larry making few negative remarks about Cincinnti. Dear Jean, Do you see any thing wrong with this picture?

Elly says:

I think the whole thing is pretty funny, especially the comments so far!

hard as nails says:

all this fuss over something that’s funny. typical uptight comments from some of you. you need to take a pill or something.

C.A. MacConnell says:

One time, I saw this other weekly magazine cover, and it thrilled me…there was a large picture of a hot dog on the cover. It was very artistic, the way the mustard and ketchup colors and forms worked together. Hot dog.

Marilyn says:

Yep, I’m indeedy master of my domain!

According to the local 12 news at noon, the no smoking ban goes into effect as of 12:01 tonite. Insane. Well, no matter, I can’t drive anywhere just yet so I can (so far) keep my household a smoking territory.

Jean, go away. There I said it. And I’m not the only one… does this tell you anything? Ah, go tattle to Mr. Fox.

Matt says:

Yes. I second the notion of Jean just going away. In fact, I have seconded that notion several times.

Biscuit says:

C.A.- I relish the idea that we can all learn to live in peace and artistic harmony -like the condiments in the fridge.

Every Cincinnatian says:

We are also well known for: 1) transferring control of our public assets to quasi-/non-governmental entities; 2) spending our money providing superficial changes to public spaces; and 3) using our money to erect huge, strictly event-driven, cement structures on the most valuable, economically viable land in our city.

Bar says:

The post was meant to be funny. Maybe. I think Larry sounded more angry than he usually does about the state of Cincinnati. He has a right to be and this Every Cincinnatian makes another point as to how we fuck things up here.

Screw it. I think I’ll just go to the bar and drink and smoke. Oh wait, After today, I won’t even be able to smoke in a bar. More messed up bullshit.

Nikie says:

When the “no smoking” rule starts to be enforced in Cincinnati bars, people will. . .

let me add an option “E” to this.

E. people will just stay home and drink and smoke there and save a little money.

RESULT: you’ll see bars closing in Cincinnati within a few months.

Chuck says:

I think all the smokers over at CityBeat are outside smoking in front of their doorway for one last time before tomorrow. It’s the mid afternoon and their web sit has even been updated.

Richard says:

Some of the multiple choice bits were very funny but the Cincinnati digs were extremely biting almost to the extreme. Come on, Cincinnati is not Detroit.

Matt says:

Yeah, what’s up with the CityBeat website. Are they beginning to slip up on this thing too?

jake says:

i say after tonight, we go head over to marilyn’s place where we can drink AND smoke. that way, she won’t need to come to us, we can go to her!

Marilyn says:

Jake, you’re all invited, but have PLENTY of gas in your vehicles! I’m even outside the stinkin’ bus lines!

Marilyn says:

Hey yeah, this week’s CB is still not fully up and functioning! A scary state of affairs… don’t they realize that I plan my Wednesday afternoons around reading the newsweekly?

jake says:

don’t be surprised if tomorrow night about twenty of us show up at your door. we’ll bring plenty of beer.

Jen says:

Wow. So few here today have any kind of a sense of humor. I just thought the questions and options were funny. Too heavy here today. Lighten up!

Beaver Head says:

Those City Beat people amaze me. If they are having trouble with putting up their updated web pages today – SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT ON THIS BLOG or better yet on the one that’s directly linked to the site. That appears to be working – I see a few new comments, much less than I see here but that’s always the case.

Toast says:

I think Gross is sometimes a great writer. In his column, the personal people stories often get to me but when it comes to writing about the problems with this city, he gets old really quick. Someone should tell him to stick with what he does best – slice of life stories.

Mary Ann says:

I didn’t think the post was very funny but all the comments are a hoot!

Eric says:

Come January 1, I have an apartment to move in to over in Covington. Plenty of bars and plenty of places where I can smoke. Three words for Cincinnati:


Katie says:

Can’t say I agree with Toast. Larry takes a lot of heat for what he thinks is wrong with Cincinnati – restaurant closings, City Council, silly pot laws, etc. but in almost all the cases he is right. This is a fucked up city.

Maggie says:

All the negative comments here about Cincinnati is overblown bullshit. There’s not that much wrong here. If you don’t like it, find someplace else to hang your hat. What’s keeping you here?

Chuck says:

For anyone who might be interested, Citybeat’s web site is now up kinda. It looks fucked up. The photos are working.

Marilyn says:

Chuck, yep I finally saw that CB site was up and running. Do you reckon they had their Christmas office party today?!

Maggie and all, the negative comments about Cincinnati are certainly not overblown. We are about to break our own annual murder record. How can that be good?

Sure we can tell ourselves that we are a hunky dory town, but then we’ll never improve now, will we?

Mike F. says:

Come Spring time, I’ll be gone from this fucking racist town. I don’t hear much said about that. I’m moving up to the New England states.

Dennis says:

After the sun goes down in Cincinnati, the city
A. Rolls up its sidewalks.
B. Becomes Detroit.
C. Experiences high crime rates.
D. I’m just going to ignore this question and pretend like everything is fine.

All of this is true isn’t it? At least Gross KNOWS everything isn’t fine. Wake up.

Pat says:

It’s not necessary for me to read through all the “Gross Fans” comments.

Gross is an ass. If he doesn’t want to live in the Midwest, move elsewhere. Spare me.

Pat says:

I really just come here once in a while to see how all you liberals are doing here in this city, all you complainers. Of course, that’s all you really do is complain. You offer no solutions to anything – especially Gross.

Karen says:

Are you really Jean?

Matt says:

Man oh man oh man.
Todays post was simply made in fun and it was funny. Why do uptight people try to turn todays post into a crime? Maybe I’m answering my own question. Uptight people chose to live in uptight Cincinnati.

I’m gonna have a few more beers and think that over.

Marilyn says:

…’you liberals’. What a tidy little phrase. Like a christmas present all wrapped up with a tattered, shabby bow.

Pat, go play with Jean.

Marilyn says:

Mike F., have I been so remiss that I’ve never railed against racism here on the blog?

Most folks who know me know that I have spoken out against the racism here. I was raised in cracker town, replete with confederate flags waving. I’ve hated it since the ’60’s. I watched my father dismiss M. L. King back in the day and KNEW my father was wrong. I’ve got many first cousins that are racist that I cannot stand to be around.

I’ve personally made many wrong choices, but one thing I’m very proud of is that I raised my children to never even contemplate being racist.

That’s not enough, I know.

o.k. says:

What Marilyn said. Go play with Jean!

Mike F. says:

Thanks for what you said.
I’m tired, going to bed.
I’m the guy who “makes the donuts.” Seriously. I work at a bakery on Hamilton Avenue.
Peace out!

C.A. MacConnell says:

Someone here is nine years old and I’m not telling who.

Marilyn says:

I’ll claim it!

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