CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{December 9, 2006}   Packages

package.jpgNope, I’m not talking about Christmas gifts; rather I’m interested in a dialogue about men’s reproductive organs and the pet names men (or women!) give their members.

And, women have a single one of you ever named your own reproductive organs? The only things I’ve ever heard named are perhaps the breasts and generally they are called “the girls” or “the twins”. I’ve never named my own, but maybe Thelma and Louise would be kicky?

How many of you men have named your member or otherwise tried to personify it?

I once dated a really cool fellow who named his “little elvis”.

Has anyone out there – be honest now – ever named their sword “sir lancelot”?

If I mention to my husband that I heard his stomach growl, he’ll reply, “That wasn’t my stomach”.

And how many slang terms are there for testicles? Let’s see – balls, nuts, family jewels, nutsack and ‘nads. Oh wait, maybe family jewels encompasses the entire package, not just the testes.

I have to agree with Elaine as she once remarked to Jerry and George, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”



hard as nails says:

my name says it all.

Ben says:

My wife always calls it “the big one.”

Jeff says:

Interesting post this morning. You’re kind of asking for trouble here don’t you think? What the hell. I don’t guess I really have a handle so to speak, but my girlfriend’s favorite line is

………I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.

I hope I can say that here.

joey says:

since you ask, mighty mouse.

Gail says:

I once had a boyfriend who was really great in bed, but he never wanted me to look at his penis. After sex, he would immediately put on his shorts. I started calling it the friendly stranger.

Nancy says:

Nancy’s “play thing.”

Bonnie says:

My husband calls my breasts “The Golden Girls.” That’s all right. I’m an old gal.

Frank says:

Kingpin and his bowling balls.

Matt says:

My girlfriend and I refer to the whole package as “wally.” I don’t remember how that got started. She asked me last night how wally was doing and I said he needed some attention. Wally got it.

Dan says:

My penis is known to many girls as BIG BIRD.

Roger says:


Ted says:

My ex-wife always called my nuts beanbags.

Brian says:

My heat-seeking missile. Oh, and at one time, with a very special and truly blonde woman, Raoul.

Susan says:

What a horrible thing to find here his morning. This is the most disgusting thing this site has ever done. I’m surprised the editors at Citybeat would let you get away with such trash.

I’m gone and I’m not coming back.

Dick says:


Del says:

When I want to have sex with my girlfriend Polly, I always say “Does Polly want a cracker?” So I guess my package is known as cracker.

Jackie says:

During my divorce proceedings with my ex-husband, I would often refer to his penis as “Dead Man Walking.” Figure it out.

Marilyn says:

What? No “Thor the Thunder God” out there?

Jack says:

No, I’m not “Thor the Thunder God,” my handle is LumberJack.

Karen says:

Susan seems to be a little uptight here his morning. Perhaps she hasn’t been serviced by a “package” recently 🙂

Marilyn says:

Susan, No living beings were harmed in the writing of this post — I swear!

Andy says:

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the “Drill Man.”

J.R. says:


Polly says:

This is probably in really bad taste, but I find myself enjoying it.

Judith says:

My husband calls my right breast Jesus.

He calls my left breast Joseph

He calls my ‘reproductive area’ Mary.

Marilyn says:

Polly, of course it’s in bad taste!

Has anyone but myself noticed that the Ken with the pants on has a horrendous farmer’s tan??

Teri Archer says:

Yeah, I find the photo laugh out loud funny. Is that Larry with the farmer’s tan? 🙂

Bill says:

My rod is known as the “weiner the world awaited.”

Marilyn says:

Del, are you white? If so, then cracker is probably appropriate.

Del says:

I’m white, but my wife is black. Sort of an odd twist don’t you think?

Keven says:

A wild post today!

I’m well known as 24/7.

John says:

He’s known simply as Jack.

Marilyn says:

Del, OMG! Too funny!

I think the funniest (and most memorable) headline I ever saw in CityBeat was: “Graham, Crackers Fill the Stadium”. It was talking about the white folk that went to see Billy Graham.

Rick says:

I’m a baseball nut, love the Reds and have fond memories of them from the early 70’s.


I’m the Big Red Machine.

Jean says:

Tasteless, pointless trash. This blog has come to a new kind of low, just when I thought it couldn’t go any lower.

Sharon says:

I just rewatched the Feist video. Certainly more entertaining than this.

Mike says:

I guess I’m the odd ball here. My wife, nor myself calls my “package” anything except for what it is, penis……..balls.

Gomer Pyle says:

My boots are shiny
my pants are bright
my balls are swinging from left to right.
Sound off!
Cadence count
1, 2, 3, 4.

Sandy says:

It’s disgusting! It’s great!!

Becky says:

Yeah, the picture with his post. The doll on the left. I think I was married to him for a couple years.

Laura says:

My husband calls my breasts “salutes.” He says they stand at attention 🙂

Jeff- or-ly says:

My package is called Woody Woodpecker and he’s anxious to get together with the LOL GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Marilyn says:

Jean, I was sure I’d win you over with this one… I’m crushed!

Sandy, Yes! It’s two, two, two posts in one!

Matt says:

I think Gomer Pyle always had a hard on for Stg. Carter.

Beaver Head says:

Hey Matt,
Did you always find it strange that Gomer had a girlfriend on that show? Everyone knows that Gomer is guy and liked Rock Hudson. You heard that, didn’t you?

Adam says:



“The All Night Long Show”

Heather says:


I’m trying to come here less! I have work to do. This is a total waste of time!

But soooo addicting.

The funniest one was Dick naming his Richard!

My brother’s is “The Legend.” I’ve resisted asking why, but I changed his diapers back in the day, so I have an idea.

My husband’s doesn’t have a name. It’s kind of like God that way.

Matt says:

Beaver Head,
Of course Gomer was gay, but in the 60’s you couldn’t come out. I think Gomer and Carter were doing it in one of the lockers!

Perry says:

Fuck the work, Heather, it’s the weekend and we have missed you!

My package handle: Perry’s Peril.

Peter says:

I’m gay and, of course, so is my boyfriend. We’re older guys and both loved the old television show “Lost In Space.”

Perhaps it’s a little sick but he’s Will Robinson and I’m Doctor Jim. Sometimes the robot watches.

Peter says:

Perhaps it’s a little sick but he’s Will Robinson and I’m Doctor Jim. Sometimes the robot watches.

I MEANT to say…….

he’s Will Robinson and I’m Doctor Smith. Sometimes the robot watches.

Polo Stick says:

Need I say more?

hard as nails says:

hey peter,

if you get tired of the “lost in space” theme try this one.

you’re the skipper.

he’s gilligan.

sometimes the professor watches.

Karen @ the hood says:

I have laughed my ass off here today!!

Charlie says:

RAM is my package. Just thought you would like to know.

Marilyn says:

Karen, I’m happy to have promoted something light. As you know most of my recent life has been anything but…

Peter: “Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!”

Charlie, as in “ram tough”?! Yikes…

Heather, (and I pray my brother isn’t watching)… when I was in high school, my brother was known as “Cleaver”. I didn’t get it until much later!

Tony says:

“Tony’s Big Boy.”

kathy says:

this was a total hoot! i started reading the comments last night and couldn’t stop laughing.

Kenny says:


Theresa says:

Wickedly funny.

I have small breasts, so my boyfriend calls me “bit tits.” I know that’s a little boring, but then again, so is he.

Gomer Pyle says:

Speaking of JACKHAMMER, my partner, Gomez, up here in heaven calls my member Jack Horner’s thumb… that is when it’s erect. Otherwise he calls it Jack Horner’s pinkie.
I call his GOLLEE.

Babble On says:

This “Gomer Pyle” guy is pretty disgusting.

Matt says:

This “Gomer Pyle” guy is pretty disgusting.

Annoying is more like it. Where’s numb when you need him?

Randy says:

I’m 55 years old and I’m still “Like a Rock,” my handle.

Peggy says:

This is all pretty sick but I laughed my ass off. What does that say about me?

I don’t remember how this started, but I always call my husband’s privates his “train set.”

Harvey says:

My penis: Surf’s up
My balls: knuckles

Rodney says:

This is all pretty retarded.

Ben says:

L-O-G Man.

Pal says:

I guess I’m a little small 😦

My wife always says, “Can the little boy come out and Play?” 🙂

jDennis says:

I’m known as Sweet Mysteries of Life.

Ro says:

Every do it outside in a thunderstorm? A rush for sure.

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