CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{December 23, 2006}   Christmas Music – Multiple Choice


All I want for Christmas is my two
A. Big breasts.
B. Eggs over easy.
C. Cents worth.
D. Front teeth.

Grandma got run over by a
A. Snowplow.
B. A Cin Weekly delivery driver behind on his route.
C. Reindeer.
D. A Queen City Metro bus.

I saw mommy kissing
A. Bob the mailman.
B. My daddy’s ass.
C. Santa Claus.
D. A lesbian named Sally.
E. A Cin Weekly delivery driver.

I’ll have a blue Christmas
A. If you put that bag over my head.
B. If you make me eat that cheese coney.
C. Sitting on this block of ice.
D. Without you.

Rudolf the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny
A. Rear end.
B. Nose.
C. Attitude.
D. All of the above.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping
A. In your rear-end.
B. At your nips.
C. At your nose.
D. A and B.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy
A. Drunk.
B. Cin Weekly delivery driver.
C. Soul.
D. Gay snowman.

Santa Claus is coming
A. Soon to a theater near you.
B. On your face.
C. To have sex with the LOL Girl.
D. To town.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle
A. It up your ass.
B. All the way.
C. The change in my pocket, but stay away from my private area.
D. Your money away.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even
A. Bill O’Reilly.
B. That fucking parrot that never shuts the hell up.
C. That Cin Weekly delivery driver sleeping with my mother.
D. A mouse.

I’m dreaming
A. That this shit will soon be over.
B. Of a white Christmas.
C. While sitting at my desk at work.
D. A sexual fantasy.

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we’ve no place to go
A. Let’s have intercourse.
B. Let’s kill ourselves and let the Cincinnati Police find us in a year or so.
C. Let’s invite that Amway sales representative over so he can tell us how we can quit our day jobs and start working for ourselves.
D. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Larry Gross


Nancy says:

You have a strange sense of humor, but I kind of liked this.

Karen says:

The last one is my favorite 🙂

Jim Stanton says:

Very funny!

To you and all rest who contribute here, Merry Christmas.

Janice says:

It seems like you get off on making fun of things you shouldn’t be making fun of. Now its traditional Christmas music. Once again, your bad taste comes shining through.

Matt says:

Amazing how many uptight people there are in Cincinnati. Janice, you’re one of them.

Karen @ the hood says:

Janice needs to smile more. I thought it was really funny!

Marilyn says:

Yay! Something fun!

If anyone sees that Cin Weekly delivery guy, send him my way (minus the papers, of course!).

But on a sadder note, have none of you heard that Frosty was the victim in a recent slashing? All caught on video tape.

hard as nails says:

poor frosty. he’ll be back again someday.

Tate says:

I have one of my own.

Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for joy and time for

a. beer
b. dear
c. cheer

numb says:

ho, ho, ho. not funny.

Marilyn says:

In my ongoing effort to make christmas go away, I’m watching Bette Davis in Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte and I’ve invented a new drink (if this drink already exists, leave me to my ignorance).

Fill glass with ice
Add Shot of Vodka (100 proof if ya got it)
Pour orange juice half up
Top off with tonic

Stir this mess and add a splash of Grand Marnier to the top. Cheers!

Dandy says:

I tell ya, that drink don’t sound half bad – better than Bette Davis. Not a fan.

Gotta go out and start the Christmas shopping. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Del says:


I think you should just let Larry handle the multiple choice.

Barbara says:

I guess when you have nothing else to write, you turn to the old multiple choice. Don’t you think that’s running a little thin?

Jackie says:

Hey Barb,
We get a new post here everyday of the week. They can’t all be what you want them to be. I thought it was pretty funny.

I wonder if Larry Gross feels like a babysitter here sometimes?

Patrica says:

I think this is in bad taste too. But you didn’t take any religious Christmas songs and turn them into a joke. I’ll give you that.

Larry Gross says:

“I wonder if Larry Gross feels like a babysitter here sometimes?”

Jackie, the answer to that question is yes.

We try to mix it up here and I sure the hell can’t please everybody everyday. With this being the long holiday weekend, I knew the stats probably would be lower than they usually are, so I put up a Multiple Choice post – maybe thinking I could get away with it one more time. If I didn’t, frankly, I don’t really care.

To me, it was kind of funny. Like I said yesterday, sometimes, you have to please yourself.

Sorry Marilyn, I didn’t mean to get “Garden Party” back into your head.

S.A. says:

Boring today.

Marilyn says:

Ah Larry, I wax expansive this evening… no Garden Party going through my head tonite.

For anyone who doesn’t think today is exciting enough, please submit your own posts and suggestions to Larry. He loves contributors!

Larry and other friends here: Have a safe and happy Holiday Season. (Is that PC enuff for everyone?!)

William says:


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