CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{December 29, 2006}   New Year Resolutions


Smoke more cigarettes in Cincinnati bars and blow the smoke up the Health Department’s ass.


Eat cheese coneys until I gain an additional one hundred pounds.


Eat more often at Redfish.


Smoke more crack but enjoy it less.


Save money on toilet paper and start picking up Cin Weekly. It’s free. Seriously.


Continue to pick up hookers in Covington in 2007, but in the New Year, remember to wear protection.


Drink more beer.


Continue to dodge child support. The kid doesn’t even look like me.


Continue to live off unemployment.


Remain an outstanding citizen of The Queen City.


Alan, The Drunk & Drug Addict.





Karen @ the hood says:

Happy New Year to Alan and to Larry too!!

Polly says:

Your new contributors, Mike Hunt and now this Alan clap really have a lot of good things to say.

That, of course, is a joke.

hard as nails says:

this drunk and drug addict is my kind of guy. glad he’s hanging out in cincinnati and making it a better place.

Barb says:

Do you think that crack about dodging child support is funny? Try being a mother who has had to put up with this bullshit.

It’s no fun to start the morning reading a post written by an asshole.

Matt says:

Here we go again.

Welcome to “No Sense of Humor Land.”

So many of you readers need to take a chill pill.

Jody says:

Yes, jokes about crack always “crack” me up.

rhines says:

Maybe “Barb” should be the one taking a pill or smoking crack. Good gawd, women, lighten up. It’s a joke.

Bill says:

I happen to like the dark humor. Screw Barb.

Susan says:

Bad taste is bad taste and this post today is full of it.

Teri Archer says:


It’s it fun to write here? Yesterday I got some shit, now it’s your turn!

Brian says:

Yeh, fun! that’s what it’s all s’posed to be about here @ LOL.

So think about it – sometimes my life may feel like a little trap, one in which I have to do things I really don’t want to so I can make a living, feeling limited options to have fun by the lameness of that paycheck and to be surrounded by small-minded people who just don’t freakin’ get it – by making fun of the traps of modern life, I take away their power to fuck with me.

Some people pay for therapy but we do it all for free here.

Mark says:

I agree with Brian. This blog has become my therapy in this one-horse town. Cincinnati is so uptight. It’s nice to come here to read something that you don’t read everywhere else or to fine something to laugh at – even this Jene. I’m here everyday.

Janice says:

Just more trash. This blog is becoming really disappointing.

Carlene says:

Oh soooooooooooooo sorry Barb. I laughed my ass off with this post.

Jean says:

Believe me, it is very clear that most here don’t like my views on Larry Gross, his writings or his blog, but I’m not going away, because some see my point.

Yesterday’s post about anal sex was horrible. Only sick people would want to see this kind of mess. Today’s post: funny? What’s funny about smoking crack or going out with hookers over in Covington. Just more tasteless trash.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see something uplifting here? Is John Fox listening to me? Doesn’t he care about this city or is he like Larry Gross?

bitch from Price Hill says:

dark humor is my bag ya’all. that’s what i like best about this blog.

Matt says:

Jean’s back!!!!!!!

Jack says:

I notice a lot of complaints here about this blog lately, people not liking the content on a lot of the stories. I just want to say that not all the stories are for me, but I appreciate the variety and what’s being done here. You just can’t please everybody, you know?

Bill says:

Yesterday’s post about anal sex was horrible


Kelly says:

I kind of like Jean. She stirs it up.

Heather says:

Tasteless, subversive, offensive trash!

Who the hell is this Alan guy?

He rocks!!

And you know, I think it’s very nice of Larry to be considerate of all the people who come here looking for things to get angry about; he gives them exactly what they’re looking for, and watching them stew in their own anger just makes my day!

Kelly says:

Tasteless, subversive, offensive trash!


Biscuit says:

Holy Smokes, is that really you smoking crack?

Wow, that’s pretty family you have!

Zoiks, That’s a fine looking Newport hooker!

The hot dogs on those cheese coneys look burnt- which skyline did you get them from?

What’s google? Is that your nickname or something??

Jeff says:

Alan, they now have fairly reliable tests so you may confirm that the child is not yours. Consider it, please. It may reduce your dissonance on this one matter.

Pal says:

I thought this short post was very dry and very funny. Maybe that’s why some found it “horrible” and “trash.”

Frankly, this town amazes me. You put something a little out there and the conservatives are up in arms. It’s actually kind of funny.

Jimo says:

Jean, man, i tell you she’s such a asshole she makes me laugh.

Sally says:

I didn’t think the post today was good and I think you’re going in the wrong direction in general. You need to keep the posts light. That’s my opinion.

Darrell says:

It’s been more than a little strange here lately, but I’m still reading. I feel like you’re trying to take this somewhere else. Where that is, I’m not sure.

Marilyn says:

Some people were offended by this statement: “Continue to dodge child support. The kid doesn’t even look like me.”

I found it hilarious simply because every man on Maury Povich has stated such a thing… (Oh and yes, my children’s father wanted to avoid child support so badly that he gave them up for adoption to my current hubby — and paid all the costs involved. Such nice men out there!)

All that being said, the funniest thing a friend ever said to me was: “Even Maury Povich couldn’t find that child’s father!” (in reference to a girl he knew who had undergone several dna tests trying to find the father…)

Heather says:


If LOL Girl ever got pregnant, how many DNA tests would it take to find the father?

The world may never know.

Marilyn says:

I’m in full blown support of birth control… When my daughter began dating, I told her that if she even suspected that she was going to be sexually active, be sure to let me know — I’d take her to planned parenthood. I even told her that I didn’t want to raise another child. I had taken precautions, and I expected her to do the same.

When she was 16, she came to me and asked me to take her to PP, which I did, no questions asked.

She’s 25 and has never been pregnant. I did some things right as a parent.

Heather says:


You are a great mom. I wish I would have had that kind of relationship with my mom.

Marilyn says:

Heather thanks. I probably had the same kind of mother that you did. Sex was taboo. When I was junior high age, I once joked that our two dogs were french kissing, and my mother looked at me as if I’d called the dogs motherfuckers or something!

I remember I was taking my son (he was 14 or so at the time) to see Wayne’s World. Just he and I. While I was driving and had him as a captive audience, I started in on the “sex and aids” conversation — you know, ‘just because you are a guy and can’t get pregnant, don’t feel invincible about sex’. He kinda freaked a bit and yanked on the door handle, but he listened.

numb says:

marilyn and heather should start a fan club for each other.

Heather says:

Don’t be jealous numb, I still love you.

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