Okay, enough here with the pencil-dicked geeks like Troy. I think it’s time we heard from a guy to whom nature was only too kind.
Check it out ladies -with my throbbing wand of flesh, I fully intend to bring 9 inches of sexual justice wherever and to whomever it’s most needed. And no, Gaylord, thanks for the interest but I don’t play in that neighborhood. This is ALL for the ladies.
(LOL Girl, I’ll get to you after I finish with a certain person here whose name starts with a “J”. Jean seems to need a serious sexual fling more than anyone else here. C’mere Jean, I’ve got some thing I want to show you. Go ahead, touch it . . ! )
I love everything about women, their soft curves and mounds, the depth I can see in the blues and greens of their eyes when they take their defenses down and that sweet tang of peach fish down in the valley. I pulse out loud with how much I want to exist and explode inside the wet warmth of their being, to be the yin to their yang and the wang for their whims.
Sex is without a doubt one of the finest gifts we’ve received from the Great Mother Goddess and her consort, a shadowy figure who goes by the name of God. It doesn’t feel so freaking good just so’s we can make babies, it’s so we can enjoy being alive. And if we’re singin’ the blues it’s a good way to hump and pump them away. And there’s alot to be said for masturbation too because at least then you’re having sex with someone who loves you.
Ladies, womyn, whomever, we’re doing the best we can here but we’re not psychic – just tell us what the hell it is you want, we’ll try to deliver.
Gentlemen, even if you don’t love her, at least fuck her like you mean it. No, I didn’t say lie to her, I said give it to her hard enough and good enough to make her happy. You know, just bang those silly relationship questions right out of her pretty little head.
And people, we’re supposed to be adults around here so keep your stuff away from the kiddies. If you’re one of those pervs, go play with the other sick fucks and leave the rest of us alone.
Ok, this wasn’t supposed to turn into an advice column. I like to fuck as much as anyone but there’s a time and a place for it. Like in your kitchen or the shower, and then bent over your coffee table in the living room. Gosh, Jean, I knew you’d be a moaner but I wasn’t expecting the orgasmic thrashing and screaming. Nice touch but I can see the people across the street looking out their window.
Aah, fuck them too.
(Photo of surprised woman who might have touched Holden’s penis from gooble.com)