Okay, enough here with the pencil-dicked geeks like Troy. I think it’s time we heard from a guy to whom nature was only too kind.
Check it out ladies -with my throbbing wand of flesh, I fully intend to bring 9 inches of sexual justice wherever and to whomever it’s most needed. And no, Gaylord, thanks for the interest but I don’t play in that neighborhood. This is ALL for the ladies.
(LOL Girl, I’ll get to you after I finish with a certain person here whose name starts with a “J”. Jean seems to need a serious sexual fling more than anyone else here. C’mere Jean, I’ve got some thing I want to show you. Go ahead, touch it . . ! )
I love everything about women, their soft curves and mounds, the depth I can see in the blues and greens of their eyes when they take their defenses down and that sweet tang of peach fish down in the valley. I pulse out loud with how much I want to exist and explode inside the wet warmth of their being, to be the yin to their yang and the wang for their whims.
Sex is without a doubt one of the finest gifts we’ve received from the Great Mother Goddess and her consort, a shadowy figure who goes by the name of God. It doesn’t feel so freaking good just so’s we can make babies, it’s so we can enjoy being alive. And if we’re singin’ the blues it’s a good way to hump and pump them away. And there’s alot to be said for masturbation too because at least then you’re having sex with someone who loves you.
Ladies, womyn, whomever, we’re doing the best we can here but we’re not psychic – just tell us what the hell it is you want, we’ll try to deliver.
Gentlemen, even if you don’t love her, at least fuck her like you mean it. No, I didn’t say lie to her, I said give it to her hard enough and good enough to make her happy. You know, just bang those silly relationship questions right out of her pretty little head.
And people, we’re supposed to be adults around here so keep your stuff away from the kiddies. If you’re one of those pervs, go play with the other sick fucks and leave the rest of us alone.
Ok, this wasn’t supposed to turn into an advice column. I like to fuck as much as anyone but there’s a time and a place for it. Like in your kitchen or the shower, and then bent over your coffee table in the living room. Gosh, Jean, I knew you’d be a moaner but I wasn’t expecting the orgasmic thrashing and screaming. Nice touch but I can see the people across the street looking out their window.
Aah, fuck them too.
Lustfully yours,
Holden McGroyne
(Photo of surprised woman who might have touched Holden’s penis from gooble.com)
Man. At least you tell it like it is — or maybe I should say — the way a woman really wants it.
I would put up my phone number, but I know it would get deleted. You sound like a guy who knows what sex is about and what a woman needs.
holden mcgroyne: god’s gift to women.
All the “Jean” references here on this blog are becoming annoying. In fact I find this whole piece annoying.
Shit, only fair I guess to have a male “LOL Girl.”
I’m hoping this Holden guy is a joke. If he’s not, he’s a complete jerk. Women aren’t looking for these kind of guys. For women, its not all about the screwing. Some men know that, others don’t – like this Holden guy.
“And no, Gaylord, thanks for the interest but I don’t play in that neighborhood.”
Shit, just when you had me all turned on.
I’m still laughing!
Erin,
I once dated guy just for his massive hands.
Men are relatively proportional you know, so I figured he must have a shlong to match.
I wasn’t dissapointed.
I’ve read the post twice and I’m still trying to figure out if I like Holden or not. At lease he’s straight up and honest and not playing games.
I love the picture.
Wow, what a shock. More trash!
Holden, pure poetry — that’s what you are! *sigh*
“…to be the yin to their yang and the wang for their whims…”
At least here is a fellow with more than the stupor bowl on his, erm, mind.
Holden said: And there’s alot to be said for masturbation too because at least then you’re having sex with someone who loves you.
Natasha says: Ain’t it the truth!
i dunno, kind of like the guy, think he’s cool. if you’re in a relationship just for the sex, this is the kind of guy i would want.
if i wasn’t gay, i’d be tempted to call ya 🙂
What a jackass you are.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a guy like this, ladies. He’s honest about what he is and I like that. When I want sex I want it to be great and I think this man could deliver. Of course, the proof is in the doing 🙂
Maybe this post will give the chicks something to look at while us men go watch ourselves some football later.
Hey Asshole of the Hour,
Some women like football too.
I’m beginning to believe that Marilyn is the one who knows how to write interesting posts here these days. Here’s another one just to shock you.
This holden guy should team up with LOL Girl. Maybe this is her “real man” she’s been looking for.
Hey! You sound a cool, honest guy. Here’s my phone number if you’re interested in meeting up: XXX-XXXX
Hope to hear from ya!
(editor: nope, we don’t do phone numbers here)
Don’t you think its a bit unfair to rub this Jean in the dirt? I don’t agree with anything she has said here, but you guys are taking it way too far.
(editor: nope, we don’t do phone numbers here)
shit, deana, i was gonna come over.
😦 I don’t see what harm posting a ph. # would do 😦
Pure crap.
I also don’t see the point in not allowing phone numbers. What’s wrong with wanting to contact Holden?
Keep hammering away, keep making fun of Jean. You all are just as mean spirited as she is.
From the editor:
Deana & DeeDee
Think about it: You got guys on here that go by the names polo stick, hard as nails, beaver head and man of the hour – just to name a few. I don’t know these people at all. You want to put up your phone numbers and have these guys calling you?
There are plenty of dating services out there. Go to one of them. That’s something we’re not.
Oh, I know Larry. I’ve lost track of how many time I’ve tried to pick YOU up 🙂
What if it’s not really your phone number? Do you all really want the moderators of this site to have to deal with that kind of nonsense. Some asshole might even threaten legal action. The internet is not a good place for your address, phone, or social security number. If nothing else, one of your fans might pass your number along to telemarketers. Wanna buy some dick pills?
Wanna buy some dick pills?
troy does.
This post cracks me up and it proves one thing: There are just as many horny girls out there as there are horny guys. This reminds me very much of an LOL Girl post.
Of course you don’t give your phone number out on the internet. You “girls” are thinking with your oysters.
Holden seems a little “cocky” to me, if you know what I mean.
Holden McGroyn meet Phil McCrevis.
“You “girls” are thinking with your oysters.”
I’d like to put down my pointy high-hells and kick you in the nuts — you sorry asshole.
Ha, ha, Ha, Ha, ha. That Tate is a funny guy ain’t he? Probably has sex with himself a lot because no woman would want him, probably hasn’t seen an “oyster” in years except for the ones in his fucking soup.
This was a great post! I want this Holden clap to come back again.
I thought it was a funny post. LOL Girl sometimes comments on what readers think about her post. How come this Holden guy isn’t?
Holden,
If you’re not made up, you sound like a guy I would like to meet. I’m being very seriously here, How do I get in touch with you?
“This was a great post! I want this Holden clap to come back again.”
Tangy,
You want another dose of the clap??
i think tangy misssspelled orr wass missunderstooood.
“Miss Understood” is a totally different type of person than I am. I am who I am and here I am, Holden McGroyne
It seems like you’re starting to write uninteresting sex post here every other day.
This was pretty damn funny! I hope this Holden guy pays us another visit.
Holden McG, you make me hot!!
Holden McG, you make me hot!!
Holden McG, you give me a hard on, but you have no interest. Thankfully, Gaylord is there for me.