CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{February 5, 2007}   Why Do Men Lie to Us?

brandy-_1.jpgI won’t mention his name here, but he knows who he is, knows he lied about how he felt about me, knows he lied when he said I was his girl.

We have been going out for the past few months. I met him while sitting at the bar at Washington Platform over on Elm Street. I was waiting for my girlfriend to show up, which she never did. We got to talking and we sort of hit it off.

He bought me dinner that night and since then, we’ve been going out to movies, plays and more dinners. Sometimes we go back to his apartment in Mt. Adams and make love. He is tender and caring and a great lover. He told me he was serious about me – that I was his girl.

I’m not his girl. Two days ago, as I was walking to the bus stop to catch the bus home, I saw him out of the corner of my eye, across the street with his back turned toward me. He was standing there talking to a girl, holding her hand.

I stared for a minute, wondering if he would turn around and see me. When he did turn around, he didn’t look my way. He was busy kissing the girl he was holding hands with.

He’s left voice messages on my machine, but I won’t be returning his phone calls.

Why do men lie to us? When it comes to love, why do they say one thing and do another? I really liked this guy, but will never trust him again.


(Photo from Deviant Art)


Marsha says:

You need to find out the facts of that kiss and of the holding hands. Find out what’s going on before passing judgment and writing him off.

Nip says:

It’s not like you were engaged or something. Move forward.

Theresa says:

This guy’s a player, sweetheart. Count your blessings you found out early on.

Polly says:

Better to know you’re dealing with a loser early on. You would be hunting more if you knew the guy for a long period of time.

hard as nails says:

nice navel.

Matt says:

Why don’t you find out about the situation? Maybe this girl was an old friend or something. Talk to him!

Del says:

Honestly is the best policy here. Tell him what you saw and he should explain it. Get the facts before you decide to dump the guy.

Bitch from Price Hill says:


Sharon says:

No, you don’t know the circumstances here at all. It seems to be you’ll reall anxious to call it quits with him. Maybe you’re not telling us the whole story.

Isis says:

Why do men lie? Let’s see – if you talk to men or even women, they will tell you that their brains work differently. ‘Men put thoughts and feelings into little compartments in their brains and then they shut the door and ‘poof’ – the thought or feeling or relationship is gone! Wow – how about that. I fell for that rationalization for a brief time when dealing with a past relationship – ‘he isn’t really responsible for being a lying piece of human flesh – he’s just a man – nothing personal. Let it go and just understand that his brain/emotions work differently.

I don’t believe the “men think differently then women” rational. In reality, it is just an excuse to lie and be self centered. Men lie because men lie.

Gus_Johnson says:

“Why do men lie to us?”

“I don’t believe the “men think differently then women” rational. In reality, it is just an excuse to lie and be self centered. Men lie because men lie.”

Okay ladies, let’s examine this thing for a moment. Gender bashing is intellectually lazy. I’m a guy, and let me tell you, I’ve been cheated on, dumped, and lied to by women, alot. Actually, I can only think of 2 relationships that ended on a positive note. Both of these women are still good friends. One of them is one of my best friends. Lying, cheating, etc. are character flaws and should be treated as such. These actions are no more likely to be committed by a man than they are by a woman. Look deeply into yourself Brandy. Is this possibly karma? Is there a fellow in your past that you were less than honest with that got hurt? I’m not saying you should blame yourself. I’m saying, please, please, learn something. I’ve never cheated, but my actions in some cases were thoughtless and led to hurt. I learned from that, and didn’t repeat that behavior.

You do yourself a disservice by bashing any group of people based on gender, race, etc. It shows that your thought process is superficial. We’re all just human. I feel our purpose here is to learn and love.

Let’s learn and love.

Brian says:

“Why?” seems to be a question you’re still wrestling with, about men in general and this guy in particular. Like others have said, before reaching a conclusion, confront him with the facts of what you saw. The key is in how he responds – look to see if he’s able to look you in the eye, can he give you a straight answer? Then listen to your instinct, what the little voice inside says.
And, as always when dealing with us men, keep your expectations low. Sad but true.

Mark says:

Gus is right. I don’t think there is that much difference in the sexes at all. Both men and women lie to suit their own purpose.

hard as nails says:

if men and women are both alike, maybe that’s why mike hunt screws farm animals.

Tom says:

Yes, Gus is damn right. I’ve been dumped and lied to plenty of times in my life by women. Have I done the same? Not really proud of it, but yes. Neither of the sexes is perfect, you know?

Jane Fonda says:

I’ve never met a man that sooner or later didn’t turn out to be a pig.

Marilyn says:

I don’t consider what your man did as a lie. He said he was serious and that you are his girl, right?

Until you confront him and determine what really happened — was this his friend, relative, other girlfriend — you can’t call it a lie.

I’d be asking to meet with him to discuss the episode. And only then can you say whether or not he is lying.

PS. It’s not only men that lie. I’ve known some women that lie.

Barbara says:

Hones, open communication is the key here, Brandy. You don’t know the circumstances here. Don’t be so quick as to write him off.

Man of the Hour says:

I won’t lie, I’ll tell you the truth. You’re a good looking girl and I’ll take you out. How’s that for being honest?

Mac says:

You say you will never trust him again, yet you have not even talked to him about what you saw. Don’t you think that’s being a bit unfair to this person you say you really like?

Roger says:

I’m a shallow pig who most women here will want to kick me in the nuts, but YOU ARE SO HOT!

Jackie says:

Seems to me, like others here, you want to call it quits too quickly. Talk to your guy and get to the bottom of what’s going on. The worst thing that can happen is maybe you’ll hear the truth.

Tate says:

Why do men lie to us? What bullshit this is. Everybody lies from time to time, sweet little Brandy. Quit playing all innocent here.

Judith says:

Man, Tate, you sure have been taking nasty turns lately. Your underwear too tight or what?

Katie says:

You’re giving up way too fast on your dude, Brandy. Are you sure you want to be with him or are you making excuses to dump him?

Babble On says:

What’s up with you, Brandy, don’t like confrontations? If you’re into the guy communicate and tell him what you saw.

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