7:00 a.m. – My so-called “owner” just left. Yeah, I rubbed against her legs and purred until I got fed, after which I went my own way. Now the bitch has finally walked out the door to go to work and I’m giving her the finger.
The bitch’s name is Geri, and no she’s not all bad – but why the fuck would she give me the name Puff Ball? I’m not even all that puffy. I would rather be called Charlie, or “Chuck” for short. That’s a real name for a cat. Puff Ball, Jesus Christ. What am I – gay? – not that there’s anything wrong with that.
8:15 a.m. – Just threw up a hairball on that new rug of Geri’s. She’s not gonna like it, but I don’t give a shit. Speaking of shit, I’d better take a dump in the litter box before heading off to work.
9:10 a.m. – Arrived at Cin Weekly a little late, but not many are here yet anyway. I work the reception desk half days. Yes, it’s a rag of a paper and the pay is shit, but at least it keeps me in beer money.
10:45 a.m. – Just left the editor’s office. Apparently, some jackass complained to him that I was licking my asshole at my desk. I had to explain to the guy that I’m really just a cat and sometimes our assholes need licking. He seemed to understand.
1:00 p.m. – Left the office and headed over to Darlene’s place. She can’t hide her scent from me. I know she’s in heat. Above is a picture I took of her last summer. Isn’t she hot? I mean those eyes, that nose!
2:30 p.m. – As soon as I walk in the door, the fucking phone rings. It’s Freddy, wanting to know if he can come over. I look in the fridge to see if Geri has any beer. Of course not. Freddy says he’ll pick some up on the way here.
4:30 p.m. – Here’s a photo I took of Freddy watching television. He’s all drunk watching that Garfield movie. Three beers and he’s all wasted. Kind of sad.
5:30 p.m. – Freddy hit the road for home. I’ve been going to the litter box every 10 minutes. That old saying is true: You can’t buy beer, you can only rent it.
6:30 p.m. – Geri’s home and she thinks it’s so cute that I’m laying on her bed – thinks that means I’ve been waiting all day for her to get home, that I missed her. What a loser she is. She needs to find herself a man and get laid big time. Feed me you stupid woman!!
8:00 p.m. – She finally feeds me and my stomach is full. Those beers this afternoon have made me sleepy and I’m hitting the sack early. I’ll dream of Darlene – those beautiful eyes, her lovely mouth, and the way she holds her tail up when she walks, showing me her magnificent asshole. Oh Darlene………..Darlene…………
(Photos of Puff Ball and friends from google.com)