CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{February 12, 2007}   Finally a Solution to the Banks Project: Banks

banks-project.gifReports are coming out of City Hall that a solution has been found for the long delayed Banks Project. Cincinnati and Hamilton County officials are expected to announce this week that the property has been sold to three Cincinnati banks.

Fifth Third Bank, P.N.C. Bank and U.S. Bank, in a joint venture, will build massive banks on the 15 acres between the Reds and Bengals stadiums.

“I think this is a win, win situation for The Queen City,” said a person standing outside City Hall. “We’ll finally get something going on the riverfront that we all can enjoy. Who doesn’t like going to the bank and withdrawing money or making deposits? Now all three of our major banks will be right there together. Talk about convenience!”

fifth-third-photo.jpgOne Fifth Third executive who wouldn’t reveal his name to this reporter (but I know he works for Fifth Third – had one of those silly looking pins stuck on his suit), says his financial company feels so strongly that people will come down to the riverfront to do their banking, that they are considering an admission fee to enter The Banks property.

“You know how we like service fees,” said the Fifth Third executive with a big smile on his face. “We want to be the only bank on The Banks that you’ll ever need.”
pnc-bank.gifus-bank.jpgProposed in 1999, there was to be a mixture of condominiums, offices and shops on the riverfront, but long delays in getting funding has frustrated City Council.

“We just want a quick fix to this problem,” said a person waiting for a bus on Walnut Street who said she knows a City Council member. “We’ll be able to do our banking down there, you know, take out cash from our savings accounts – then head on over to Northern Kentucky to spend it.”

Cincinnati and Hamilton County officials aren’t expected to have contracts with the three major banks on how to develop the riverfront area or how the banks will be structured.

“Who wouldn’t trust a bank?” said a City Council member. “Verbal is good enough for us.”

Judy Darling,
L-O-L Blog Reporter

(The Banks logo from The Banks Project. Fifth Third photo from P.N.C. photo from U.S. Bank photo from


Matt says:

What? No credit unions on The Banks? That sucks!

Polly says:

How silly. How funny!

Kevin says:

Well, if you’re going to have all those banks down there, you had better throw in a few chili places like Skyline or Gold Star. Bankers love Cincinnati chili and we don’t want these great people to go hungry.

Karen says:

Judy, you crack me up 🙂

Susan says:

Again and again and again – more Cincinnati jokes, putting down the city. Can’t anybody over at this blog ever say anything positive?

Julie says:

Think about how long this Banks Project mess has been going on. Cincinnati – especially City Council IS a joke. They need to be made fun of. Wake up.

Tim says:

The Banks Project has certainly turned out to be a frustrating experience here. Here’s a question to city council: do you really think you’ve done a good job on this? Can’t you people do anything right?

Bitch from Price Hill says:

Judy Darling rocks!!!

Theresa says:

Yes, the Banks project is a mess but I’m also getting tired of all the put downs. Its like you can almost always expect to find something negative here about the city.

Phil says:

God this is funny. Where did this Judy Darling come from – The Onion?

Donna says:

How come National City wasn’t included?

Matt says:

Donna, this post is a joke. I know it’s Monday morning, but lighten up.

Nickie says:

If there is anything that needs to be trashed here in the “nati” it’s the Banks Project. What a joke this is. Make fun of it all you want!

hard as nails says:

isn’t judy a darling?

Harvey says:

I laughed at this post, but its not really funny how city council has fucked this up. This has been on their plate for years. I’m sure Northern Kentucky is sitting back laughing at us.

Marilyn says:

Susan said: “Again and again and again – more Cincinnati jokes, putting down the city. Can’t anybody over at this blog ever say anything positive?”

Yep, Susan. I can.

Judy is positively a hoot! Wake up!

Dandy says:

If I wanted to see fake news, I would watch FOX news. Enough of this stuff.

Tammy says:

Gee, why would we want development down at The Banks? Those weeds look so beautiful in the spring time.

Judge Judy says:

The Banks Project has turned into a joke. If people can’t handle the truth here, then go over to Brian Griffen’s blog where everything about the city is all fine and dandy.

Erin says:

This was a riot – had me going for a second. I like these Onion-like stories. Bring ’em on!

Bill says:

This was laugh out loud funny. For those who don’t like this type of post, just don’t read it.

C.A. says:

Hi, if I go to all of these drive thrus, one right after another, and don’t make a deposit, but just say hi, will they still give me a dum dum sucker for the road? If not, I’m going to Kentucky.

DeeDee says:

If we, the citizens of Cincinnati, can’t laugh at our shitty city council, then who the hell can? I love you Judy Darling!

johnny ray says:

your blog keeps getting dumber and dumber. there’s no humor here.

Terry says:

I see the humor in this, but it angers me that no doubt another Reds season will come and go and we’ll have no activity on The Banks. City Council is useless.

Janice says:

I caught on to your “game” after reading your “Trashing The Nati” story in your column a while back. So often your column and now this blog likes to slam Cincinnati. Simply put, your not balanced at all. I do think you need to point out good things happening here like the rest of the media or comment much less on what you don’t like here. It should be clear to you by now that not everyone is in total agreement with you or do you just have a good time in always being negative?

Ben says:

Janice, I don’t think there is any thing wrong in pointing out how poorly handled the Banks project has been. See some other web sites or blogs and you’ll fine out that his blog isn’t the only one on the city’s ass about it. This city is fucked up in so many ways. Take your blinders off.

Matt says:

I do think you need to point out good things happening here like the rest of the media or comment much less on what you don’t like here.

Yeah, right, comment less on what you don’t like. What is it here Janice, does the truth hurt?

Chester says:

The post just made me mad because it is so right. We are just stupid here.

Jennifer White says:

If I’m going to live here, then I’m going to start educating myself on this subject – The Banks. I’m just a kid from Seattle, but it seems to be that the city is sitting on a goldmine down by the river. Why is it taking so long for development?

David Gallaher says:

Remember how they had the big water tower before they actually had Florence Mall, and the water tower said “Florence Mall,” but it was lie, because the mall wasn’t there yet, so they had to change it to “Florence Yall,” which it remains even though the Mall finally put in an appearance?
You do remember all that, don’t you?
Anyway, I propose they just build a big water tower on the Banks site and put “The Yanks” on it. That way, everyone would be covered, come what may.
“The Yanks” could be like poetry: subject to interpretation.
It could mean the Yanks are coming.
It could mean they will always do nothing but Yank our bobber.
Yanks for nothing.
Have you Yanked yours today?

Okay, your turn now.

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