A couple weeks ago, a drug company sent me an e-mail about pills that will make my penis grow. I was hesitant to send away for any of these pills but I desperately want a bigger penis. I placed my order and paid for it with my American Express Gold card.
I informed Jean, a co-worker I took out a few months ago, about the medicine I ordered for my penis and asked her if she would be interested in going out again. She laughed and said no.
That’s fine. I understand. There’s a girl down on the fourth floor named Carol who’s always looking at my muscled body. I asked her out for Friday night and she quickly said yes.
I picked her up in my Porsche Carrera GT. We went and had a pleasant dinner over at The Washington Platform on Elm Street. The conversation was light and friendly and the way she kept looking into my eyes told me she wanted me to take her back to my luxury apartment and make mad, passionate love to her.
Once we reached my apartment, I excused myself to use the bathroom. I went to my medicine chest and found the pills that would make my penis larger.
I took two Viagra, two Cialis, two Xanax and two Ambien – figuring the more pills swallowed, the more my penis would grow.
When I returned to my living room, Carol wasn’t there. I heard her calling my name from the bedroom. She had already stripped herself naked and was lying on my bed.
“Come here,” she said, spreading her legs, “I want you inside me now.”
I could feel movement down below my belt. The pills were working. I could feel my penis getting bigger and bigger.
I quickly got into bed and explained to Carol about the pills I had just taken and while maybe my penis was still the size of a toothpick, I did have a love-wart on my tongue that would bring her a lot of pleasure. She wasn’t listening. She was on her cell phone calling a taxi for home.
When I see Carol now at P & G she doesn’t even look at me. She’s now hanging out with Jean a lot and I’m wondering what they’re saying about me. I also get a lot of stares from others when I walk down the hallway. You see, my balls are still enormous and gigantic. At least I have that to be proud of.
(Photo of Troy and an awkward illustration of his balls without getting disgusting from google.com. Photo of screaming Carol from http://www.lawyers911.com)