CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{February 26, 2007}   Cincinnati Enquirer to Merge with National Enquirer

national-enquirer.jpgAs expected, sometime this week, The Cincinnati Enquirer will announce they will be merging with The National Enquirer this summer.

“It’s a natural fit,” said a reporter for The Cincinnati Enquirer. “A lot of people here get confused because the names are so similar and it only makes sense to become a part of a news organization we respect.”

The Cincinnati Enquirer will be remain a daily newspaper but will print stories also published in The National Enquirer.

“We believe this will be good for our paper,” Tom Callinan, editor of Cincinnati’s hard-hitting daily said (well, I think it was him), “and it will also give our local reporters more time to cover those breaking news stories – like how those potholes have taken over our roads in The Queen City. Our readers want more of this kind of journalism.”

cincinnati-enquirer.gif“We need to bring more balance to the paper,” Callinan continued. “We’re so busy covering the big stories; we don’t have time to really it into the personal lives of our local celebrities. The National Enquirer will be covering this for us.”

When asked to explain his remark, Callianan declined, but a person who said she was a reporter for The National Enquirer explained.

“All right, take this example,” she said. “It’s been known for years that Clyde Gray and Carol Williams, you know those talking heads on Channel 9 news, can’t stand one another, but yet they sleep together sometimes. Now I don’t know if that’s true or not but maybe it is. Don’t the people in Cincinnati need to know that maybe this is possible? I mean enquiring minds want to know.”

This merger will not affect Cin Weekly which is owned by The Cincinnati Enquirer.

“We’ll keep it around,” said a person lighting a cigarette on Vine Street. “A lot of people use it as fish wrap.”

Judy Darling,
LOL Blog Reporter

(Photo of The National Enquirer from – you guessed it – The National Enquirer. Cincinnati Enquirer logo from


Karen says:

This was funny! I wouldn’t line my birdcage with the Cincinnati Enquirer.

Jim Stanton says:

I read the Enquirer mostly out of habit and often I’m amazed at just how bad it is especially when I compare it to other papers. Sometimes I’ll pick up a New York Times just to read something good.

Erin says:

For the past ten years, I’ve seen the Enquirer go down hill. I always read The Post, but pretty soon I won’t have that option. Maybe Citybeat could become a daily.

Sue says:

I think most of us know who this Judy is and I want to ask this person one thing: How come you constantly poke fun at everything in Cincinnati – even our newspaper? Its like you get off on running us down.

Gary says:

Yes it does seem like a good fit since they are both total trash.

Del says:

Funny stuff here this morning, but I caught on to this joke right away.

Vic says:

Strange, but not all that funny.

Brenda says:

I really hate to see the Cincinnati Post go out of business mainly because we are stuck only with the Enquirer. Hell, even the comics in the Post are better.

Wanda says:

The sad thing is this might actually improve the Cincinnati Enquirer!

Duke says:

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Jackie says:


CA says:

Hmm, I wonder why this merger won’t affect Cin. I mean, CiN.

CA says:

that picture must’ve been photoshopped. It makes poor Rosie look like a Weeble Wobble. If you know what that is, you are old like me.

hard as nails says:

the enquirer should call itself the out-of-towner. most people who write the stories don’t even live here.

Anderson says:

You guys think your shit don’t stink.

Marilyn says:

CA, I’m as old as you, if not older. Weebles Wobble, but they don’t fall down! Poor Rosie.

This post reminds me of something… My mother in law doesn’t have all her marbles (I’m being kind here!), so everytime she’d tell me she read it “in the enquirer” I just assumed she meant the Cincy Enquirer. Nope. Took me awhile to realize she meant National Enquirer! Which might make you all know I don’t have all MY marbles.

Derrick says:

For as long as I can remember, The Cincinnati Enquirer has always sucked as a newspaper. Making fun of it isn’t going to change it.

Tangy says:

Hey, I’m from Boston and I sure wish we had a paper like the Boston Globe here. The Cincinnati Enquirer is so badly written and uninteresting.

Buddy says:

Jesus, get off the Enquirer’s back. Between you guys and Rick Hines it’s overkill. It’s just a newspaper.

Beth says:

It’s just a newspaper.

………………yes and what a god awful one it is!!

Jud says:

I wouldn’t even wipe my ass on the Cincinnati Enquirer. What a pity this newspaper is.

Your satire was funny.

John says:

Wow. Yet another “fishwrap” joke. Those never get old!

David Gallaher says:

At least the Inkwar still has For Better or for Worse, Garfield, Opus on Sunday, and the Word Jumble.

‘Course the Lexington paper has more comics, many in color DAILY, Mary Worth, Dr. Rex Morgan, Apt 3-G, and a separate Religion section which I find very interesting. Trouble is I don’t often have the opportunity to grab the Lexington paper.

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