In spite of the occasional sexually repressed comment; I knew this blog would be a good place to talk about sex. But I had no idea the response to my first post would be so strong! Or wet. And loud, lord, I do love a loud response.
So after the women who found me were done having their way with me and the Throbbing Fleshwand of Love, I needed a night out by myself. Little did I know I would meet my match from the women’s team. And don’t even ask; LOL Girl has her way of doing things but, tragically for me, I’ve no clue as to where she lives.
Even though I just meant to go out to replenish my fluids and breathe in vast quantities of oxygen, I found myself inside a bar. Plenty of fluids here and the oxygen is just as good as outdoors now that we can’t fucking smoke anywhere. Then I saw her.
Strawberry blonde hair cradled a beautifully cheeked face with sparkly green eyes, standing tall on long curvy legs and the most boobilicious front yard I’d seen in about, oh, three hours. And I simply could not control myself. Which was good because those headlights were pointing right at me.
I ordered a drink and watched as she strode her lush body right up to me.
“Do you know anything about dinosaurs?” she asked me.
“Just the petrified kind,” I replied.
“Good,” she said. “I was hoping you could help me find a particular one. Penisaurus Erectus. Do you know it?” she asked, eyeing me closely as she licked the excess saliva dripping from her full red lips. Just my kind of woman: knows what she wants and how to get it.
“Know it?” I laughed and put my arm around her quivering body. “Hell, I know for a fact there’s one in the immediate area, about 2 1/2 feet south of my mouth.”
She smiled and straddled my leg. I smelled peach fish and knew she was ready to be landed.
“Just hold on, darlin’,” I said as she led me out the door. “Have you had dinner yet?”
“No, I suppose we should before our little fuckfest begins,” she panted in a living on lust sort of way. “But make it quick; what did you have in mind?”
“A tube steak smothered in testosterone,” I said as I threw her over my shoulder and took her back to my place.
I am, after all, merely a hormone on legs.
Holden McGroyne
(Photo from roadsideamerica.com)
CityBeat's Living Out Loud - Cincinnati Blog 
Holden,
You’re a piece of work!
Damn! This kind of thing never happens to me. What’s your secret Holden?
If you would please, let us know what bar you go to so many of us can avoid going there.
i think you’re one cool dude 🙂
Wow, god’s gift to women.
I think not.
I like a guy who is sure of himself and Holden, you sure are. Let me know what bar you hang out in because I would really like to meet you – if you know what I mean.
Holden, you are truly a dinosaur. Men don’t act like this anymore and you’re not 007.
Dude, that was my mom! The strawberry blond hair comes from a bottle- She’s 65!!!! WTF perv, my dad’s gonna kill you.
“A tube steak smothered in testosterone.” That line deserves an award. Pass the A1 sauce. Where the hell is that bar? Haven’t heard of the Erectus dinosaur, but I’ve seen the Platapussy.
THIS GUY IS A HOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’d like to have a beer with you sometime my friend and get some pointers.
I think you should get together with this Candy Apple person. I think she needs a good screw to straighten out her head.
You sure are a walking penis aren’t you?
holden, teri archer is looking for you.
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holden, teri archer is looking for you.
Yep, this is totally made up.
God help me, Holden, but I genuinely like you! No games there. What woman doesn’t at least fantisize about being thrown over a guy’s shoulder? Remember An Officer and a Gentleman?
But you have given your age away with that ‘tube steak’ reference. The only person I’ve ever heard use that term is my husband. And he’s waaaaaay old at 56!
Holden, where have you been all my life?
is this guy for real? yes he is a walking penis – just wish he was gay.
Chances are this “Holden” guy is really Troy (who has a really small penis) and he’s just acting out a fantasy. That’s the way I’m going to look at it.
Troy is waaay down below me on so many levels. Maybe you’re not looking at it correctly, Perry.
PS Marilyn, I got the “tube steak” ref from my father, Seymour F. McGroyne.
Try throwing me over your shoulder, I weight over 300 pounds. Think you can handle it?
This was pretty wild! More Holden stories.
Come suck my oyster, big holden boy……..
I’m more than a little amazed that some women are turned on by your silly little story. I think you’re a lot like Paul who treats his wife my crap. Tell me something, are you married?
Anonymous5 de outubro de 2008Muito bom seu tutorial, consegui atraves dele configurar meu modem como roteador, liguei ao swith e tenho 3 amaquinas fuannoincdo. Obrigado.
holden, roll bessie in flour and find the wet spot.
I think you are disgusting.
Holden, I think you’re great. I wish you would put up your phone number. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re “attached” to anyone right now.
I think you and LOL girl should do a post together sometime!
“I am, after all, merely a hormone on legs.”
How many legs? Four plus a tail?
Marry me!
Actually, I have 3 legs . . .
To women who have any kind of a brain, this isn’t funny or sexy. It is offensive and there have been many, many stories here on this blog offensive to women.
Janice, it sounds like these posts are offensive to you and not to women in general. Morality, or lack there of, isn’t measured by what makes you blush.
Janice, no, no, no! This blog does not only offend women, look at the death of toothpick Troy… Equal opportunity offender.
it sounds like these posts are offensive to you and not to women in general
That’s where you’re wrong. Women who take any pride in themselves are offended by this story. Many women who read here apparently have no class.
Janice, you saying I don’t have any class because I like Holden? You’re a bitch. Go fuck yourself.
Janice,
If a woman can laugh at something sexual, that doesn’t mean she has no class. You’re taking this thing much too seriously.
Ladies, ladies, please . . . there’s enough of me to go around and come around.
Actually, I don’t care, I just wanted to stir the pot. I also wanted to bust out my “morality isn’t measured by what makes you blush” line.
Ladies, ladies, please . . . there’s enough of me to go around and come around.
Maybe this is true. He probably weights about 400 pounds.
Janice,
The past couple of years I have dealt with things that are incomprehensible in their horror. I’ve managed this with much grace according to a couple of my friends.
If I choose to come here and indulge in ridiculousness, that’s my perogative.
More like 225 lbs. with my “ridiculousness” being the key part of my weight, especially what I know how to do with it.
Ah! Holden is prodigiously ridiculous!