CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{March 8, 2007}   I Don’t Care

doris.jpgMy name is Doris and I am fat. I don’t care. I live to eat.

For breakfast, I usually have a pound of bacon, six eggs and four pieces of white toast with butter and grape jelly. I always drink three glasses of milk to my one cup of coffee.

I work in downtown Cincinnati and always take the bus. My ass is so big, I usually take up two seats. I don’t care. I always bring my raisins with me on the bus in case I get hungry.

While at work, to tie me over until lunch, I’ll have a couple candy bars and a couple Mountain Dews. I usually go to the restroom a lot. I don’t care.

They give me really bad gas, but I love White Castles. Those hamburgers are really little, so I always have 20 for lunch along with three orders of onion chips and a super large Mountain Dew.

In the afternoon, I’m in the restroom even more because of that gas pain from eating those burgers. I don’t care. They tasted good.

I’ll eat a couple of candy bars until I get off from work and go home and prepare for dinner.

Pizza and chicken wings usually rule for my dinner hour. To please my husband, I’ll drink Diet Mountain Dew instead of my usual.

After dinner, I’ll have a whole cheesecake for desert, after which I’m ready for sex. My husband says he’s turned off by my 400 pound body and doesn’t want to have intercourse. I tell him to just roll me in flour until he finds my wet spot.

I live to eat. I don’t care.


(Photo of disgustingly fat Doris from


Wanda says:

Sure, make fun of fat people. That’s an easy target.

Man of the Hour says:

Wow. Doris Day has certainly let herself go.

Tim says:

All right, I laughed at this but it was a guilty laugh. This post is very mean spirited.

hard as nails says:


Susan says:

Many of us struggle with our weight. Do you really think this is something to make fun of?

Biscuit says:

I think its safe to say that Doris isn’t struggling with her weight- She weighs a lot because she eats a lot. This fictitious character seems completely comfortable in her own skin (however loose it might be), we should all be so lucky. Of course, her choice to eat that much is beyond me.

Teri says:

If people chose to be over weight, that’s their decision. If I want to laugh at this most (and I did) – I will.

Donna says:

I know this is all made up, but I know people just like “Doris” who live to eat. I have a best friend who gets larger and larger everyday. When I ask her why, her words are just that – “I live to eat.” It is sad.

Bill says:

I consider this “Doris” post a social comment.

We as a society are FAT. Maybe this post was meant to be funny and maybe it wasn’t. Perhaps it’s a wake up call.

Christi says:

Whatever. Fat is funny.

Del says:

I think my writing something funny, you point out what a serious problem this is. I get the message, sorry others don’t.

Babble on says:

Made up or not, the gal does seem comfortable with herself. If she lives to eat, that’s her style. And it shows.

Marilyn says:

Wow. I’m nearly speechless. Good job, Larry.

I don’t believe that people ‘live to eat’. I’m convinced that they self-medicate using the drug of their choice — food.

I’m too fat. If you look around, you’ll see that many Americans are too fat.

It’s a sad social commentary that we, the ‘haves’, don’t share with the people who are literally starving each day.

The picture makes me queasy, because, “there but for the grace of God…”

Theresa says:

If she doesn’t care, then I don’t, but Doris you’re fat and even if this thing is all made up (I’m I the only one getting confused lately?) I laughed out loud at the picture and the words written.

Reb says:

I’m going to be critical, because I think you need to hear it, Larry Gross.

This is the most uneven Cincinnati blog we have here. Your rants on the restaurant closings were old a year ago. Your Troy, Nate, Holden and LOL Girl posts are plain trash.

Then there’s the other side of the coin. Karen @ The Hood is wonderful. Judy Darling is fun (most of the time), and your literary piece last Sunday was a nice change of pace.

Aim to be smarter, and have less of the shock.

That’s my take. I’ll keep checking in from time to time.

Chad says:

I bet Doris would be a lot of fun. I’m not saying I want to go out with her, but I bet she would be fun.

Leslie says:

I’m gone. Your blog has turned into something horrible. This photo almost made me puke.

citybeat says:

AHHHHHHH! How about a post-lunch, NWS, Not ANYTHING safe warning on here when you’re going to scare us like this, Larry.

And I’m pretty sure my Mom did not give you permission to post her picture here. This was taken when she was having a hard time and needed to make some extra cash … to pay for all the food. We all have things in our past we’re ashamed of!


Larry Gross says:

Sorry breen, when I was with Doris last night, she didn’t tell me she was your mother, but we were kind of busy — if you know what I mean.

Reb, thanks for your comment. Very often I think we are uneven over here. We’re not the CityBeat news blog and we’re not the CityBeat music & arts blog. We’re about life in general and life is all over the map and I think that’s how we are. It bugs me sometimes.

You mention the post on Sunday, The Raymond Carver thing. Stats went way down, because it wasn’t stupid or funny. Being the “professional blogger” that I am (god, what would my mother say?), I pay attention to the views and the comments. Stupid works. More people will read a post about a guy constantly jacking off than they will about race tension in Over-the-Rhine.

It’s a constant balancing act that I’m trying to get better at. Reb, come back in a couple weeks and let me know how I’m doing.

Polo Stick says:

I hope Doris doesn’t become the new LOL Girl. I almost tossed my cookies on the photo. However, her hair is nice – natural blonde I’m assuming?

Marilyn says:

I just keep coming back to this:

“I tell him to just roll me in flour until he finds my wet spot.”

And I’m deeply disturbed!

Jackie says:

I don’t think it’s uneven over here. I like the variety. Some posts you like, others you don’t. That’s what blogging is about – or so they tell me.


i’ve seen that picture before and the joke about the flour is just plain old. but if it gets you thinking about “Fat America,” then that’s good.

America is FAT. We have too much, and want too much, but we actually need very little. It is a crime that there is so much want beside so much waste.

And it isn’t just people in 3rd world countries, african babies with distended bellies and sad eyes who are hungry, it happens here as well.

I would recommend those of you who are looking for the serious to pick up a copy of “When Did I See You Hungry?” by Gerry Straub (

It’ll learn ya’ good.

hard as nails says:

I just keep coming back to this:

“I tell him to just roll me in flour until he finds my wet spot.”

And I’m deeply disturbed!

i picture the husband as being skinny with doris on top while having sex. i think i’m about to be sick.

Janice says:

The photo is vile but who’s even more vile is the editor who posted it.

Marilyn says:

HAN: Sorta like Jack Spratt and his wife?

Janice: Indeedy, ’tis a vile editor that lurks herein!

jackula says:

i wanta echo what foxy said. we are fat and nothing turns me off more than seeing fat people in their cars. sorry. some of you need to get out of your cars and take a walk.

Marilyn says:

Yeah, but don’t we have to watch out so that we don’t become fat-a-phobes? I mean, would you simply turn your back on and make fun of any other kind of addict?

jackula says:

marilyn, good question. i guess i’m hung up on fat. to be honest, i feel sorry for drug addicts, have compassion. but fat? it’s just eating too much. i don’t know, maybe it’s my hangup. maybe i’ve been drinking too much. that’s my addiction.

Becky says:

Maybe save fat fetish for another day, but I know a lot of guys who like their woman big and fat.

Heather says:


I once took care of a guy in a nursing home who was too fat to walk. He would slide down in the bed, and it took six of us to scoot him back up. It took four of us to roll him over and change his diaper. He was in his early 40’s. Nice guy.

A bit of advice though if you’re ever nearby when a large person starts to go down: save yourself! I was stupid and I caught a lady whose legs gave out beneath her (at the nursing home). I eased her into her chair and she was fine. I hurt my back and was out of work for weeks. It still hurts sometimes.

imparare says:

Interesting comments.. 😀

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