CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{March 9, 2007}   The Funeral for Troy (Who’s Penis was the Size of a Toothpick)


Yesterday afternoon, friends gathered at a funeral home in downtown Cincinnati to pay their last respects to Troy – a P & G executive and a man whose body was all muscle. However, his penis was the size of a toothpick.


Troy was killed during an explosion in his Porsche Carrera GT last week outside his apartment building in Hyde Park. A police investigation is still ongoing.

While Troy was a P & G executive, no one from the corporation attended the funeral, including Carol and Jean, the last two people who actually saw his penis. This reporter has it from a reliable source that police are checking their whereabouts at the time of Troy’s death.

Mostly those in attendance were fellow LOL Blog contributors.

Larry Gross attended the funeral with Marilyn – the two of them sobbing throughout the service. Mike Hunt arrived with a sheep, but the funeral director would not allow the farm animal inside the funeral home. Furious, Mr. Hunt and his sheep left.

Nate arrived early and started a conversation with Brandy, but had to excuse himself when he developed a hard-on and had to use the funeral home’s restroom. When Candy Apple arrived, she appeared to be lost and started a rambling conversation with Paul who appeared to be depressed as his wife has recently left him due to the fact that he’s a fucking PIG.

Holden McGroyne was in attendance with three sexy women all over him. It was quite embarrassing. Brian Ciesko arrived with Karen @ The Hood and Teri Archer was seen weeping during the service with a bottle of vodka in her hands.

Heather was unable to attend, but sent a nice bunch of flowers – the only one to think to do so. When LOL Girl entered the funeral home, many – including this reporter – thought they heard movement inside the casket with the explanation being that LOL Girl’s sexy good looks can even wake the dead.

The service was closed casket as the explosion inside Troy’s automobile blew off his legs, his balls and his tiny penis. Only the love-wart on this tongue remained.

Troy’s brother Roy, did not attend the funeral. This reporter suspects that he and Carol and Jean had a hand in the death of our beloved Troy. Again, the investigation is ongoing.

Judy Darling,
LOL Blog Reporter

(Photo of the late Troy and his casket from What kind of funeral home would have a casket displayed on some kind of wooden grate? And where is that water on the floor coming from? Maybe I don’t want to know)


Matt says:

Goodbye Troy. Kind of strange why a P & G executive would have such a cheap, ugly casket.

Barbara says:

If the “death” of Troy means I no longer have to suffer through anymore of these silly stories, then I can’t say I’m sorry he’s gone.

hard as nails says:

so sorry i could not attend the funeral. i was busy watching television.

Rita says:

Great news! Miracle of miracles. I just heard that some of Troy’s DNA was found and salvaged. There is a chance that medical science and clever GYN’s can create and build a better and BIGGER Troy.

Signing off to locate my copy of Young Frankenstein.

Christi says:

I just heard that some of Troy’s DNA was found and salvaged.

I have a feeling that the “Trails of Troy” is far from over.

doodie says:

no more toothpick stories? this is a sad day in cincinnati.

Karen says:

A sad day 😦

Jackie says:

So many disgusting photos lately! Doris is still grossing me out from yesterday and that water under the casket – or is it water?

Marilyn says:

Ah, but this was a hard service to attend!

Larry, it was when you slipped out for a smoke that Teri went up to the casket to pay her respects. She slipped and fell, and that is vodka under the casket.

And Judy, Darling, I saw numb way back in the corner trying not to cry.

Mark says:

The Troy stories were really getting old. Let’s hope he’s done with.

penny says:

the “death” of this “character” means nothing to me — in fact it’s long overdue. the first troy post was funny, then the joke got old. find new jokes!

William says:

Yes, Yes, Yes! Be done with this. Don’t know into who killed him or anything please! It is a joke that has tuned toooooooooo thin.

Marilyn says:

William, as thin as Troy’s tiny penis?

Mae says:

I don’t know. I know Troy was just a make believe character but I felt sorry for him. I’ll miss him.

Holden McGroyne says:

Yes, even the toothpickled among us deserve a decent send off. I must say it was a fittingly wet ceremony. Besides, you would not believe how horny emotionally raw women are.
Hey . . . what’s YOUR name?

CA says:

i STILL can’t get over that f’n picture of Troy…it still cracks my shit up.

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