CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{April 5, 2007}   A Joke from Candy

stacey.jpgThere’s a couple, and the guy is retarded and the girl is deaf.

They are having a communication problem when it comes to sex.

The girl says “if you want to have sex with me, pull my left titty, one time. If you don’t want to have sex with me, pull my right titty two times, ok?”

He says, “Ok”.

Then he says, “If you want to have sex with me, pull my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex with me, pull my penis 55 times!”

Candy Apple

(This joke was so bad, we had the people at go over to Candy’s apartment and kill her and then take this picture to prove to us that the job was done)


Sandy says:

God. So bad.

Babble On says:

Girl, you don’t even know how to tell a joke right. Why don’t you hang it up? Oh wait – maybe you have.

hard as nails says:

the photo is funny. the joke: not so much.

Marilyn says:

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the
Wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles, and he will stop snoring.

Yeah right ! ” she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog’s testicles.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring !!! The Woman is amazed !!!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed and begins snoring loudly.

The Woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband’s testicles.

Amazingly, it also works on him !!! The Woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.

As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances down and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.

He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his Dog’s testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, “I don’t know where we were……Or what we did… But, by God… We took First and Second place!!!

Randell says:

Good one, Marilyn, good one. Candy, take lessons.

Marilyn says:

I dunno, ‘pull my penis 55 times’ is kinda funny!

Jackie says:

I thought BOTH jokes were funny!

Jim Stanton says:

I think the photo is fake, think Candy will rise again 🙂

Polo Stick says:

I think Candy has nice apples.

Bitch from Price Hill says:

No, she’s not dead. She’ll be back next week with her rambling crap.

Rita says:

Thanks Marilyn. That was the best and possibly the only laugh for the day. Too bad it won’t work on your cat.

Marilyn says:

Rita, what do you mean, it won’t work on my cat??~~

Of course it will… I’ve told Baby that she has to accept her lot in life (no sex until the operation!) and she’s jiggy with it!

Marilyn, LOL!!!!

Candy, I don’t get how the guy being retarded contributes to the joke.

Sorry to rehash an old joke, but it’s still the best one I know. Plus, it’s been a while and there’s lots of new folks here:

A man comes home from work and sits down to watch the game.

His wife comes in and says “Honey, the fridge isn’t working, could you take a look at it?”

The man says, “What, do I have ‘Fridgidaire’ written on my forehead? For christ sake, I’m trying to watch the game!”

A few moments later, the wife comes back in and says, “Honey, the car won’t start-”

“Goddamn it! What, do I have ‘Ford’ written on my forehead? I’m tring to watch the game!”

The wife runs out to the front porch crying, and the husband walks down to the corner bar to watch the game in peace. He comes back home a couple hours later, knowing that his wife has been stewing, and bracing himself for a fight. When he comes in, however, she is happily puttering around kitchen, not upset at all.

“What happened,” he asked, “when I left, you were crying.”

“Well, a man came by and asked me why I was crying. I told him about the car and the fridge, and he said he would fix them if I either had sex with him or baked him a cake.”

“So what kind of cake did you bake him, Honey?”

“What, do I have ‘Betty Crocker’ written on my forehead?”

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