CityBeat’s Living Out Loud – Cincinnati Blog

{April 10, 2007}   Saturdays with Doris

obese.jpgI love the weekends, love getting a little time off work. I like Saturdays the best.

For breakfast last Saturday, as a treat to myself, I had an apple pie and a gallon of whole milk. Damn if it wasn’t good.

I decided to go the gym. On my way there, I had a couple Snickers’ bars, and a couple cans of Mountain Dew.

It’s important for me to stay in good, physical shape. I usually work out at the “Y” about once or twice a year. I think I would do it even more if people would stop staring at me. I mean I know I’m hot.

I usually get home from my workout around noon time. Time for lunch! During the week, I usually have White Castles, but on the weekends I like to shake it up. My husband usually orders in three large sausage pizzas from La Rosa’s. He normally has a slice or two and I polish off the rest. I wash it down with more Mountain Dew. Damn if it ain’t good.

After lunch this Saturday, I felt like having sex, but couldn’t find my husband anywhere. Why does he always do this to me on Saturdays? I took a long nap instead.

Woke up around four in the afternoon hungry. I found a couple cans of pork & beans in the pantry. I ate those beans right out of the can. Damn if they weren’t good.

On this last Saturday, I read my romance novel until seven and then my husband started fixing dinner. I usually let him cook dinner on Saturdays as I need a bit of a break – but last Saturday he really blew it on the dinner. Why in the hell would he think I would want a fucking salad?

Screw that. I found me a sloppy Joe mix in the pantry and fried me up some hamburger to go with it. Damn if it wasn’t good.

After eating those beans in the afternoon and after 10 or 12 sloppy Joes, I felt more than a little gassy. Hey, it’s the weekend. I’m not gonna hold back farting. My husband said he couldn’t stand the smell in the house and went out to a movie.

I read some more of my romance novel and started to feel horny and when a woman feels horny she has to do something about it. I masturbated in the bathtub – damn if it didn’t feel good.

After having sex with myself, I had a couple candy bars and four glasses of whole milk – after which I ventured off to dreamland.

I love Saturdays.

(Photo of Doris from


Sarah says:

Glad your weekend was damn good.

Becky says:

Well, in trying to find something positive to say, it appears you are comfortable with yourself.

Kathy Patter says:

Let yourself go much?

Liz says:

I’m assuming this was written by a skinny white guy.

There is nothing funny about someone being obese and struggling with their weight – be it a man or a woman, but you seem to pick on women here a lot more.

This is tasteless crap.

hard as nails says:

nice feet.

Rita says:

The only thing I can say nice about this is at least it will make me rethink eating any of the pastries the drug representatives bring in.

Marilyn says:

Something nice about Doris? At least she has two legs…

Babble On says:

One word for you, Doris: Gross.

Joy says:

You seem to be happy with yourself, Doris (if you’re real), but you gotta know that you’re fat as hell. I know that bit about going to the gym is made up.

Biscuit says:


Brian C. says:

Excuse me while I go erase some short term memory.

Lenny says:

I feel sorry for your husband. You’re a cow, girl.


even i am tiring of the fat chick blogs. truly.

hey larry:

Marilyn says:

Doris doesn’t believe in delayed gratification.

truly says:

i must agree with foxyroxy. doris has gotten old really quickly. how many fat jokes can you tell?

RayoLay says:

“Damn if it ain’t good.”

Damn if this ain’t B A D.

Tim says:

I laughed my way through this but I have to admit it was a guilty laugh. It’s kind of mean spirited and while maybe the point is to “lose weight” heavy-set people, it comes across as just too, too much.

Jennifer White says:

I thought the story was funny. At least Doris is laughing at herself and not taking herself all that seriously.

John says:

“I masturbated in the bathtub – damn if it didn’t feel good.”

Trying to picture this in my mind makes me want to gag.

Dana says:

When posts make me gag, I tend not to read them. I read the comments only here. Doris is gross.

David says:

There seems to be an obsession with fat people here from time to time. I try not to look at fat people, let alone read their stories.

Man of the Hour says:

The disgusting fat legs: “Rack of Doris.”

tilly says:

Man of whatever,
The whole “doris” thing is pukey.

Matt says:


I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I’d like to request permission to use the photograph you have posted in this book. Please contact me at, and I’d be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.



naomi says:

eww your to fat like the world wide

naomi says:

sorry for thhat you look like my drama teacher and one more thing im 38 and one more thing fat bitch

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