For breakfast last Saturday, as a treat to myself, I had an apple pie and a gallon of whole milk. Damn if it wasn’t good.
I decided to go the gym. On my way there, I had a couple Snickers’ bars, and a couple cans of Mountain Dew.
It’s important for me to stay in good, physical shape. I usually work out at the “Y” about once or twice a year. I think I would do it even more if people would stop staring at me. I mean I know I’m hot.
I usually get home from my workout around noon time. Time for lunch! During the week, I usually have White Castles, but on the weekends I like to shake it up. My husband usually orders in three large sausage pizzas from La Rosa’s. He normally has a slice or two and I polish off the rest. I wash it down with more Mountain Dew. Damn if it ain’t good.
After lunch this Saturday, I felt like having sex, but couldn’t find my husband anywhere. Why does he always do this to me on Saturdays? I took a long nap instead.
Woke up around four in the afternoon hungry. I found a couple cans of pork & beans in the pantry. I ate those beans right out of the can. Damn if they weren’t good.
On this last Saturday, I read my romance novel until seven and then my husband started fixing dinner. I usually let him cook dinner on Saturdays as I need a bit of a break – but last Saturday he really blew it on the dinner. Why in the hell would he think I would want a fucking salad?
Screw that. I found me a sloppy Joe mix in the pantry and fried me up some hamburger to go with it. Damn if it wasn’t good.
After eating those beans in the afternoon and after 10 or 12 sloppy Joes, I felt more than a little gassy. Hey, it’s the weekend. I’m not gonna hold back farting. My husband said he couldn’t stand the smell in the house and went out to a movie.
I read some more of my romance novel and started to feel horny and when a woman feels horny she has to do something about it. I masturbated in the bathtub – damn if it didn’t feel good.
After having sex with myself, I had a couple candy bars and four glasses of whole milk – after which I ventured off to dreamland.
I love Saturdays.
(Photo of Doris from steelturman.typepad.com)