No We’re Not Dead

We have just moved up to the rest of the CityBeat blogs. Click here to get to our new web address and bookmark it.

Change is a good thing.

Larry Gross

(Photo from memorialcentre.com)

Life, Love & Sex after Divorce

I’m been divorced for something like 13 years now. Man how time flies.

During that time, I’ve had my share of relationships. Some worked out to some degree; others failed almost right on the spot. I’ve written about it a few times in the old column. To read one I wrote a few years back, click here. I’ll wait.

I’m still waiting. Did you really read it?

What do you think? What kind of sexual relationships have you had after the big old d-i-v-o-r-c-e? Did they work out or do you wish you could go back to married life again?

Larry Gross

(Photo found in Larry’s wallet)

Cincinnati Photo of the Week

The girl drinking from a pitcher of beer while taking a piss or dump on the toilet is

A. LOL Girl caught at a bad moment.
B. Teri Archer caught in a routine moment.
C. A writer in her office over at CiN Weekly.
D. Really a guy in drag who appears to have very cute legs.
E. We don’t know what it is – just found in on the internet.

Tom Anus

(Actually, we know where we found this – killingsometime.com)

The Right to Bear Arms

“To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them.” (Richard Henry Lee, Virginia delegate to the Continental Congress, initiator of the Declaration of Independence, and member of the first Senate which passed the Bill of Rights.)

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” (Second Amendment to the Constitution.)

“The great object is that every man be armed… Everyone who is able may have a gun.” (Patrick Henry, in the Virginia Convention on the ratification of the Constitution.)

My first exposure to guns was when I was about ten years old. My father would take us to trap shoots; but back then we called them turkey shoots. No, they didn’t shoot turkeys, only clay pigeons. A fresh or frozen turkey was the prize.

I was proud of my father, because he excelled in this sport.

At the same time I was attending the target shooting events with my father, I became aware of the Vietnam War. I now saw televised, in graphic detail, that guns can kill. I was adamantly opposed to the war, but at that age had little recourse to appreciable protest.

Then I became of age and got married in 1977. My future ex-husband was (and is) an avid hand gun collector. He had 9mm’s, semi-automatics, and others, some of them illegal.

When my son was about four years old, my husband left Luke in the car while he ran into a convenience store. Luke found the loaded Walther underneath the car seat and pulled the trigger. Fortunately, the gun was aimed toward the back of the car, so the bullet went through the trunk. Fortuitous also, there was no person in the line of fire behind the car.

But still, despite this event and my protests, my husband continued to leave his loaded pistols on coffee tables, end tables, and bedside stands.

This cemented my hatred of guns and, of course, of my ex-husband.

In January, 2003, I was certainly old enough, and I got in a bus headed to Washington, DC to protest the impending war in Iraq. It didn’t do much good, but at least now I could voice my opposition to war.

In August, 2006, my son Luke, who hadn’t shot or held a gun since age four, was able to steal his landlord’s gun and he used it to kill himself with a single shot to the head. So unfamiliar was he with guns, that he used his left hand to aim and pull the trigger, even though he was right handed.

Columbine, VTech, and all the killings each day here in Cincinnati; why do we continue to defend the right to bear arms? What would we lose, besides a huge daily death count, if we ban guns?

Do we either outlaw guns 100% or fully arm each and every citizen? Would the total armament of US citizens be a deterrent to gun crime? You know, a return to marshall law and the wild, wild west.

Something needs to be done. What we are doing is clearly not working.

Marilyn

(Photo from Google)

Question of the Week

What makes you think your shit don’t stink?

Tom Anus

(Photo of Paris Hilton found on the internet – Google, Yahoo – somewhere. We forgot to write down where we found it. What Ms. Hilton is sucking on we’re not quite sure)

I’ve never been to Maine

 

I’ve never been to Maine.

My grandma owns a house in Florida and my sister who also just had a baby bought a new Jeep and said I could ride with them so basically, free trip to Florida minus my food and beer money.

I’m going to apply at Delta. I used to work at Comair, got to fly for free. People used to fly to Maine all the time for lobsters. In fact, one of the guys I was friends with at delta was from Maine and he told me lots of stories.

I miss the airport.

Do you have any ideas for another stay at home job for me? Besides babysitter, phone sex operator or envelope stuffer???

Candy Apple

(Photo of Candy’s stomach who has never been to Maine is from Deviant Art)

Monday’s Lunch

Left over pizza found in the trash can at CiN Weekly.

Henry

(Photo of Henry found on Mr. Google)

What am I Talking To?

No one has to tell me that I’m a little grumpy and like things done the old fashion way – like when I call up a company to ask a question or to get some information. When I make that call, I like to get a live voice. I don’t want to have to press buttons on my phone to get directed to the right person or department. I want it to be quick and easy.

Basically, I don’t like talking to machines. In my view, it slows down my world and it ain’t process.

As I’ve said more than a few times here on the blog, I do some consulting work for Elgin Office Equipment here in downtown Cincinnati. Guess what? They don’t have voice mail. Every time you call Elgin, you here a live voice. That’s the way it should be everywhere.

To read a column that I wrote back in December, 2003 about voice mail and all the shit that goes with it, click here.

How do you feel about talking to a tape – about talking to a machine? Does it piss you off? Does it anger you that you have to go through pressing a series of buttons on your phone just to talk to a live voice?

Larry Gross

(Graphic from hawkelectronics.com)

1234

Now and then I go to the old Google and type in Feist to find out if she’s coming to Cincinnati to perform. Sadly no.

Since the birth of this blog, I’ve put up three of her videos and they still get watched here. Hey Feist, shouldn’t that tell you that you need to bring your tour here?

She has a new album that’s coming out tomorrow – “The Reminder.” Below is a cool new video from the album – a song called “1234.”

Enjoy your Sunday.

Larry Gross

(Photo of Feist from MTV)

Cincinnati Photo of the Week

Some words come rambling into my head.

• When a man loves a woman……
• Shouldn’t this guy be hooked up with Doris?
• Love me tender.
• Where the hell is the guy’s penis?
• Does this woman really want him on top of her? Won’t she be killed?

I’ll stop now. Your thoughts?

Tom Anus

(Photo of Cincinnati fat man and his lovely woman from killingsometime.com)